Sorry this one is a little longer than usual.
I never liked saying goodbye. Always thought it was like saying you never see them again. I’ll say bye, or see you later, or pretty much anything else. Well yesterday I said my forever goodbyes to my sister. Last week my sister past away unexpectedly. Over this last week I have look at so many pictures and reminisced in preparation for yesterday.
I spoke during the funeral. After the funeral many people told me that my speech way very lovely and I thought I should it with all you. So here it is:
– Tara was a loving and bubbly sister. She taught me that it doesn’t have to be a great day for you to smile, all you need is a great song and company to share it with.
I have spent this week thinking about what I was going to say. I have never done this before. So I did what most people would do when trying to write anything I procrastinated and searched the Internet until I was completely lost. How can you sum up so many years into a couple minutes? What I realized last night as I wrote this is you can’t. So what you got to do is start writing no matter what the thought then go back when you are done and pick out what’s most important to you and make it only a couple mixtures long.
Tara is my sister. It’s not blood that makes family, it’s the heart. Over the past 22 years I have had the privilege to have a relationship with Tara, to do thing with her and go places that always puts a smile on her face. Tara was not defined by what she looked like on the outside but what she had on the inside and how she shared it with others.
Even though Tara had needs that were special to her and that it might have meant many trips to the hospital. Tara didn’t seem to mind for the most part. I’m pretty sure that some times she thought it was good, she had new care givers that she could play. Make a fuss and get music 24/7. Then she would throw a tantrum every day for at least a week when she got home because she would have to go to sleep at bedtime.
But because Tara had needs that were special doesn’t mean she didn’t do special things that others did. She still went out in the community, went camping, went to the movies, went swimming, went to events like Bryan Adams concerts and hockey games and even road trips. She did all these things and more, she just did them differently. And it usually took longer to get there, or to get it done, but she did them.
One of the things Tara like doing the most is swimming. In her bed and in the pool. Tara would swim all day if we would let her, as long as the water was warm. She doesn’t like to be cold. She swims like a mermaid, kicking her legs and smiling too. A great place to do this is at camp in the lake. If you take her in when the boats are going by she liked the waves.
Tara also would go to the cottage in the winter. It’s a family tradition to go up around New Years Eve and spend it with family. Go snowmobiling, play board games and sit by the fire. Last New Years Eve Tara spend it in the hospital and not with the whole family. This year was different. It’s the first year in the last few years that we have made it through Christmas break with all my siblings not in the hospital. All my siblings were home at Christmas and New Years. Which cool and amazing when you happen to have 6 siblings. It’s hard to think about that the last fun things Tara did before she past was hang out doing things she like and she made it home for the holidays. Every year on New Years Eve my family writes out resolutions for the up coming year and reads to the group the ones made the previous year. Every year I help write out resolutions. Every year I start off by writing 1. Stay healthy 2. Take a trip and then write a couple more that are more and likely not going to happen, like win the lottery or meet someone famous. Since last year she was in the hospital she didn’t have one to read for this year. Even though Tara is a night owl and loves to party late. She couldn’t mange to stay awake until midnight and crash around 10:30/11. Not to miss out next year when reading our resolutions, because she actually made it to the cottage this year, I wrote her one. I still remember what I wrote.
It bother me at first that she would be able to do any of her resolutions this year and she actually had one for this year. I wrote 3 things for Tara to work forward for. 1. Get a passport 2. Take a trip. 3. Meet Bryan Adams in person. This year all of these could have actually happened. Number 1 and 2 wouldn’t be that hard. And number 3 wasn’t totally out of this world because she had tickets to see Bryan in February. 10 rows from the front on the floor. I was angry that she would be able to do any of it this year. And I wasn’t going to count a trip to the hospital as number 2. Taking a trip. But then I thought about it more and even though numbers 1 and 3 were definitely not happening. Tara definitely did complete number 2. Taking a trip. She took a trip to a place that every Christian on earth has dream of going, Tara went to the heavenly Jerusalem. Where God was waiting for her. Where she can be free and not bound by her chair. Where she run and dance and swim with no help from others. I think even though Tara only had 11 days to work on her resolutions she hit out of the park.
This week I have been reading more of my bible, about death, heaven and angels. I came cross this verse in Hebrew in chapter 12 verses 22 and 23. “But you have come to mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the first born, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect.” These verses gave me comfort in being reminded that you Tara in all that you were and all that you have shown in others that you were made a righteous women and made perfect through the loving eyes of God.
Though you are no longer on earth we us and we shall miss you greatly. You are free. I will never stop loving you. I know you are watching us from up there and you are not alone, there are family and friends in which you can get in to some trouble. If I get sad without you I will just put on some Bryan Adams and I won’t be so sad. I guess you were “18 until you died”. –
Losing someone close to you is always hard. But I believe that God never gives you what you can’t handle, so I know I will make it though it.
Until next time.
