Sorry in advance, but this blog is going to be kind of a jumble of things. Hang in there. My hope is that it will all come together in the end. Here goes…
Part 1: If you’ve talked to me at all in the last several months, I’ve probably mentioned that 2013 has just been extremely emotionally draining for me. Just so we’re all on the same page, if you haven’t talked to me in a while, well…2013 has been extremely emotionally draining for me. Good, now we’re all caught up.
I’ve been tanked for a number of different reasons, but mainly just because I haven’t really had much of a break. Non-stop school, graduation, tornado relief, camp. It’s just been plain craziness and all of those different things bring their own set of emotions I haven’t quite been able to deal with.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with the idea that I am already this emotional wreck and yet here I am, getting ready to set off on an 11-month long adventure that’s all designed around this “pouring-out” mentality. Let me tell you, it’s pretty hard to pour into others when you feel empty yourself.
Part 2: Recently I’ve been reading in 2 Kings. In chapter 4, there is the story of Elisha asking a woman what she has in her house. She tells him that all she has is a small jar of olive oil. Elisha tells her to go ask her friends and neighbors for their empty jars, and then tells her to pour the oil from her jar into all these jars she’s collected. The logical part of me always pauses at this point and is like Well, that’s stupid. Of course the tiny amount of oil isn’t going to fill all those jars. This is the part of the story where God laughs at logical people like me and says, “Oh, so you think I can’t do this? Watch me!” And then He does it. Somehow, out of the little bit that this woman had left, God allowed her to continue to pour out oil to fill several more jars.
Part 3: A classic: Psalm 23. Here’s verse 5. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”
Part 4: If you know me at all, you know that I am a stinkin’ independent, strong-willed, don’t want help from anybody kind of person. I like to be able to do anything and everything, even if it’s hard. I like to be able to do things most people wouldn’t expect me to be able to do. I like to prove people wrong. Often, when people try to help me, I feel like it’s their way of saying that I wasn’t capable of doing it myself. (This obviously is NOT true at all, and people have wonderful hearts who genuinely want to help. I just struggle with accepting it big time!) Anyway, asking for help is hard for me.
Anddddd, this is where all the pieces (should) come together.
Yes, it is essential for me to continue to grow in Christ, to be refueled through His Word, to be encouraged through fellowship with others, and to be renewed and strengthened in my faith before I set out on this journey. Absolutely. But I also need to trust that God will somehow use the little bit of energy (my oil, so to speak) that I have left. Somehow, by trusting Him, I can pour out what I have to others over and over and over and over again. And in the end, He will still provide enough emotional energy and strength for me to be able to deal with my own life/emotions/problems/struggles/etc. In fact, he will make sure my cup overflows. Here’s the catch: I have to be willing to LET HIM DO IT! If I’m being my usual I’ve-got-this-in-the-bag, I-don’t-need-any-help, I-can-do-everything-on-my-own self, then there’s going to be some problems. Guess what? I can’t take a little oil and pour it out and fill a bunch of other jars, no matter how hard I try.
So I guess it’s time that I start asking for help. And asking Christ to fill up my jar. And asking Him to use the little bit that’s there to pour into others. And asking Him to overflow my cup.
What have you got left in your jar? I can place bets that it isn’t enough. Are you going to ask the Provider to use it anyway? And are you going to trust Him to overflow your cup?
