I have some
very exciting, life-changing news to
share with you. I have always viewed my faith as a staircase. I am continuing
to step up to another level and be amazed by a new intensity of intimacy with
God that overwhelms me. It has been quite a long time since I have left this
plateau and made a step up, granted I have been at a relatively good level of
intimacy with God. So, here’s the
story…
I woke up Sunday morning thinking, “I just had the most amazing dream ever.” Then I realized it was not
a dream; it was reality.
THE BACKGROUND:
Let me start with a bit of background. When I was in Junior
High I went with a friend to a healing service where a man spoke in tongues
over me, pushed on my head and told me to clear my mind of everything, even
God. Bad experience! Then in college I went to a friend’s church and the youth
pastor told me I wasn’t a Christian because I did not speak in tongues. This made me quite upset. So, for more
than 10 years I’ve been praying, “God,
please DON’T give me the gift of tongues.” Crazy, I realize… but my past
experiences had made me so scared and turned off to tongues.
SILENT PRPERATION:
Two days ago God called me to silence, so for 13 hours I didn’t speak a word to anyone. I listened. If you know me, you know
this would be a bit of a challenge. I love to share stories and what is on my
mind. During this time God told me that most of what I say is unneeded and that His words are so much
more important. This is better expressed in the words of Mother Teresa… “Silence gives us a new outlook on everything. We
need silence to be able to touch souls. The
essential thing is not what we say but what God says to us and through us.
In the silence, He will listen to us; there He will speak to our soul, and
there we will hear His voice (No Greater Love 8).”
GOD’S DIRECTION:
During my time of listening, one of the verses God gave me
was 1 Corinthians 14:18-19 where Paul says, “I thank God that I speak in
tongues more than all of you. But in the church I would rather speak five intelligible
words to instruct others than ten thousand words in a tongue.” During these
hours of silence I was praying, “God, please do not let my first words to be in
tongues.” Deep down, I’ve known for years that God has wanted me to speak in tongues, that’s why I was praying
against it. I was terrified of tongues.
INSIGHTFUL DISCUSSION: 
We had a girls’ night over dinner Saturday and Kyla, my
squad leader, asked us where we were at with the Holy Spirit. As we went around
the table sharing I was thinking that I shouldn’t share my feelings about
tongues, because Kyla would pray that God give me that gift. For some reason,
when it came to my turn it all came out of my mouth. As expected, Kyla challenged my thinking. We all had a
great discussion about tongues and my hesitancy. Kyla compared my years of
praying not to speak in tongues to someone offering you a gift at Christmas and
only accepting half of it. She also shared how speaking in tongues is a way to
communicate with God in a more intimate way. Just like after two hours of
silently thinking I was able to just listen to God, after hours of prayer you run out of words that can express what you
want to say to God. This is where tongues comes in. Tongues is an intimate language between you and God; a way to express
the depth of your love and gratitude that is beyond words. Not so scary
anymore!
OPENING MY HEART:
After talking I felt something welling up deep inside of me.
I prayed for God’s will and not my own on the “issue” of tongues. I still had a bit of hesitancy and the
thought, “what right do I have to ask for a gift I’ve rejected over 10 years
ran through my head. The answer… NO
RIGHT, but God still desires the increased intimacy with me and will gladly
give that gift to me.
RECEIVING HIS GIFT:
That night we had a worship service at the campground where
we are living. The rain began to come down from the dark sky as we sang praise.
I stepped out into the rain, lifted my hands, surrendering myself completely
and spoke words of praise to God. As I continued I was overwhelmed with love and began to repeatedly say,
“I love you, I love you, I love you…”until
the words would no longer form and tongues flowed out of my trembling mouth.
I had no fear; it felt natural and beautiful. Afterwards I was filled with
laughter and began dancing in a sense of uninhibited freedom, like I’d never
danced before. This was a newfound intimacy with God.
My prayer is that my story of transformation will open the hearts and minds of others who have
been closed to God’s gifts and that
they might be able to experience the joy
and intimacy that I have found.
