I'm sitting here in a hotel room in Washington D.C for launch, trying to process how I got here.
It's been a very emotional, difficult ride getting here. Honestly, saying goodbye to my life and all my friends and family was a million times harder than I ever imagined it to be. This past week, I cried on my way home from Minnesota. I cried at the bank. I cried in the car. I lost it at the airport and in the middle of my flight. Right now, I am exhausted, emotionally drained, and…sure.
I am absolutely, without a doubt, 100% sure that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.
This was never supposed to be an easy journey. I am not doing this to travel the world and make cool memories. I didn't do this because I want to be a super Christian.
Instead…I am stepping into something that is going to take the whole of me.
Because I am doing this for the sake of love.
I am doing this because slowly but surely, I am being wrecked for everything in this life but the one I am in love with.
I gave up a lot to be here, yes. Relationships, my will, my comfort, my rights, and most everyone and everything that I love. I am giving up my privacy, my stuff (trust me, packing is a spiritual journey in itself), and my tendency to shy away from vulnerability and loving without abandon.
But to be honest, it wasn't a hard choice. People keep commending me for giving up everything I listed above, telling me they could never do it, but I am here to tell you that is not the case.
[…Trust me, people in love do crazy thing all the time.]
Because when you look into the eyes of Jesus, which are described in the Bible as "flames of fire," everything else fades away. My pain, my past, my insecurities, my doubts, my fears…they are all reduced to ashes.
His gaze is captivating..and I can't tear my eyes away. I can't look at anything else but Him.
Sunday, a lovely young lady I know who is passionate to go to the mission field asked me how God prepared me for this journey. How did I know the World Race is where He wanted me?
There are many ways I could answer this. But the only one that really matters is this. I move forward on the path I am on for the sole purpose of running to the one I love. I may receive great blessings along the way, but He is the prize. Not a husband, not a career, not children, not great ministry- but Him. When I mess up, when I get distracted, when I am defeated and want to give up…this love is what keeps moving me forward.
If we are in love with Him, if we say "yes" each day to His irresistable call on our lives- whether that means to pick up trash on the side of the road, or pray for a friend, or sign up for the World Race- we will find ourselves right in the middle of God's will. We just keeping saying yes because we are thankful, crazy, love stricken fools. It's actually that simple.
🙂 Thank you all for being a part of my story in some way. For sending me. For praying for me and loving me. Many of you have impacted me in ways you will never know. Read my previous blog (The Final Countdown Part 1) before you go!!!
MY NEXT BLOG WILL BE FROM BULGARIA!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh
love, love, love,
Courtney
