In this whole season of preparing for the World Race…getting spiritually and emotionally ready, raising support, and dealing with everything else in life- so many things go through my mind. It is both a difficult and very exciting season for a variety of reasons. And through it all- I want to be real with you all. Whether it's "relevant" to some overarching World Race theme or not…I just want you to know my heart and where I'm coming from. I want you to know what I am learning and where I am at. That is my committment to you, my brothers and sisters, supporters and prayer warriors.
So here's my heart right now…and here's me keepin' it real withcha:
One of the biggest deterrents in people knowing God are the questions of "why?" that plague our existence.
Why would God let my mom die?
Why would a loving God send people to hell?
Why would He allow me to hurt this way?
Why would God let his car crash when he had such a bright future?
Why would He allow horrific events like the Holocaust?
Why didn't He protect me that night?
Why would He let my parents get divorced?
Why did he let her get cancer?
Why doesn't He answer my prayers?
Why is He providing for them and not me?
…Why?
I'm sure you can think of a million more. I'm sure you have asked or been asked a million more.
…I know I have.
Why am I opening this can of worms? Because these are the real questions people have! These are the things we all wanna know!! If we figured these kinds of things out, we would be a heck of a lot closer to God, wouldn't we?? We could win a heck of a lot more religious debates with our friends, that's for sure! We wouldn't carry around the secret fear that God is out to get us or worse…He isn't powerful enough to stop the bad things from happening to us.
The Scripture I read today really drove this point home in my heart. Let me take you to the beginning of Acts 12, as we read about the first martyr of the twelve disciples.
"About that time King Herod cruelly attacked some who belonged to the church, and he killed James, John's brother, with the sword. " -Acts 12:1-2
I have been studying the life of John the past 2 months- (with the help of Beth Moore :)) and reading through the Scriptures and accounts of the disciples…we know that James and John were inseperable. Not only were they brothers, but they had left their home and followed Jesus together, watched him crucified, saw him resurrected, and then embarked on ministry together to take the gospel to the "ends of the earth." They had been together their whole lives! And James' ministry had just begun. He was young. He was living out the call Jesus had given him. Imagine it for a second- try to put yourself in John's shoes. Learning that your brother had been cruelly murdered. Think about the memories that would be rushing through your head. The inexplicable pain and grief you would feel. John must have had so many questions. Wondering about the pain his brother had felt. Fear about who might be next, who he might lose. Trying to figure out what God was thinking, letting James die so soon. Reality must have begun to hit in that moment- in a very big way. John realized the imminent danger at hand- a danger that would be a tangible reality throughout the lives of the disciples. In the next verse we learn that in the midst of James' death, Peter is captured and taken to jail. First his brother, and now one of his best friends. I honestly cannot even imagine all the things John must have been feeling. The desperate prayers he must have been praying.
And then… Peter is miraculously rescued from prison.
Again, although im sure John rejoiced- im sure he also wondered why. Why save Peter but allow James' blood to be spilled?
We ask these kinds of questions. We can't help it. And when we do…the half hearted answers we get usually frustrate us. Because for the most part- the answers- they dont exist. And when people try to whip out long winded theological explanations that may or may not make sense- or if we pull them out ourselves to tell someone else- it still feels like something is missing. A textbook answer doesn't speak to the pain in our hearts.
I may not I don't have the answers to all these tough life questions, but this is what I DO know.
I know Jesus.
I know who He is.
I know that He is love. (1 John 4:8)
He is merciful, gracious & compassionate, and slow to anger. (Psalm 103:8)
He is just. (2 Thess 1:6)
I know that he has my good in mind (Rom.8:28)
I know that He will never leave or forsake me. (Heb. 13:5)
I know that He hears me (1 John 5:14-15)
I'm going to let you guys in on a big secret:
No one has the answers. Not really.
No one knows the mind of God, or can claim to know why He chooses to do things the way he does. Go ahead. Try.
But while we may not know the "answers" or the "whys" all the time… we can know Him. Instead of spending our life pursuing answers to these tough, impossible questions… let's spend our life following Jesus. He is the only thing worth knowing, anyways. And when you know him, and I mean really know him, you can stand upon the truth of His words. And you will be absolutely, unwaveringly convinced of their truth. You may not be able to answer the "why's" quite the way you planned. But you will be so absolutely sure of what you DO know…that what you don't know will no longer control your life, faith, and your level of devotion to God. When the suffering comes, when the unimaginable happens, when nothing makes sense, when you get that bad news, when you are heartbroken over the injustices of the world..you will stand strong. You will not be shaken or destroyed. I promise you.
One of the most beautiful people I know was recently diagnosed with cancer. And I mean, in all seriousness…you could not find a more kind & loving person. She loves and serves the Lord with all her heart…even in the midst of everything going on. Despite everything that she has faced & felt & all she has to miss- she has not been destroyed. She has not lost her faith. She has not wavered. Because she knows who Jesus is. She has every right to question why this happened to her- more than most people have a right (in my expert opinion, at least). Instead, she asks the people to remember to praise Him for who He is as they pray for her. She dyed a pink streak in her hair and tells people about Jesus ;). Her path changed, but her faith did not.
Jacquie, this one is for you!
<3
Courtney
FUNDRAISING UPDATES AND OPPORTUNITIES! (yeehaw!)
Overall, I am doing very well. God has been so faithful! Once t-shirt money gets in, I will be at roughly $8,800. If 23 people made a 25 dollar a month committment for 12 months, I would be fully funded. if 58 people committed only ten dollars a month for 12 months, I would be fully funded. Thank you so much for those of you who have supported me already through one time donations and monthly support…you are making this possible. Even $20 really does make a difference. I know many of you do not have much, and are giving up a lot to give to this Kingdom cause. "Thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it. I can feel the power of your prayers, and your love and support with each dollar you give. And I still need you. Click the
"support me" link over on your left to learn more!
Read below for some fun ways to support!!:
My mother painted this beautiful picture below, and is allowing me to sell it to put the proceeds towards my trip! The piece is two canvases, 12×36 each and are ready to be hung (hooks and all!)! She normally has her work sold at a store in downtown Woodstock, so this is big time stuff, people! Selling for $200. Let me know if you are interested!
T-SHIRTS ARE HERE!!!!! They are super comfy and awesome! Seriously…I have worn my for three days straight! (Not kidding) If you preordered one, we will be getting in touch with you over the next week…but we still have a few EXTRA tshirts for sale! $20 each, and we have various sizes. They probably won't last long..so get in touch soon!
I still have Threads of Hope! $2 each- great gifts, and supporting not only my trip, but the amazing Threads of Hope Ministry. 🙂 Get in touch with me if you would like some (or would like to sell them for me)!
