Going home. Today is the day. A much anticipated, sometimes dreaded, and often looked-forward-to day. It marks the end of a chapter. The end of a journey that literally rocked my world. I had fears, expectations, anxieties and eagerness leaving my home 327 days ago. This past year was nothing I could have ever dreamed- it was so much more. I thought when I signed up for the Race I would see the world and make an impact. “Courtney changing the world!” (lol) The opposite happened. I changed. I saw the brokenness and beauty of this world and encountered the God who created it. It wrecked me. It broke me. And I have been allowing the Lord to take those broken pieces of my heart and make me new. Being broken is what has made this journey so incredibly beautiful.
I learned so much about myself this year. I came face to face with who I truly am- without comforts, without distractions, without anything familiar around me, and without family. My faith was tested. My view of God was blown up (what a tiny box I had put Him in!!). Whene there was nothing for me to run to or hide behind to escape reality I ran hard into the outstretched arms of Jesus. He held me close and poured love and grace over me.
I have never been so full.
So whole. So free. So light. So confident in who I am and who my God is. I actually know Jesus now, like on a personal level. We talk. We sing. We dance. He listens and he comforts. He has shown me truth. He has shown me complete joy and redemption. Everything I thought I knew about God is on a whole new level of depth now. I finally get the “relationship not religion” thing. God desires our whole hearts. He designed us to be in complete union with him- not just for the 15 minutes of “quiet time” we have in the morning. He wants us all day. Every decision. Every funny moment. Every conversation.
At first, I was nervous to come home. What if I fall back into old sins? What if I fail? What if I feel lonely? What if I don’t fit in? What will people think? But then I took those thoughts and fears and was reminded that God is faithful. He’s in me. He is with me every step of the way. I can’t wait to come home and share my experiences and my hear with my friends and family! I am not the same person who left America 327 days ago. *praises*
I’ll be home for about 6 weeks until I leave for Guatemala for a month. I don’t know what’s next after that, but I am trusting God every step of the way.
If you want to meet up, get coffee or tacos, ask questions, or share your heart I am so down. Message me and we’ll make it happen! I can’t wait to see all of your faces & hug your necks! See you soon (in like hours….ah!!)
***ps if you feel led to financially support me on my upcoming steps you can do so at – https://www.youcaring.com/courtney2antigua
