As I sit here at my gate in Houston Texas waiting for my next flight home, I have nothing but time and a million thoughts going through my head. And I’m pretty sure some of you are probably interested in what those thoughts are. So I shall try my best to give you a peek inside this crazy mess of a brain of mine.
But first.. lets rewind a little bit. Last night I went to sleep around 11 pm in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua. We (Z Squad) woke up and left the hostel by 1:45 am and headed to Managua airport. We flew out and arrived in Houston Texas at 11:30 am. Thankfully just before we all boarded the plane, we said our goodbyes. Yep, that was hard. But it hadn’t really hit me yet. It honestly just feels like another travel day. And then it all started to become real especially when the flight attendant welcomed Z Squad home. When everyone got off the plane we all went our separate ways and now here I am. Waiting with 5 hours to spare, anxiously awaiting the embrace of my loved ones at home that I’ve been imagining for months.
This past month I decided that I wanted to write a blog to A) let you in on my thoughts and feelings, and B) challenge you to help me as I enter this new and somewhat scary season.
So.. my thoughts right now are like an extremely tangled set of headphones that take 10 minutes to get untangled. Please bear with me as I begin the untangling process.
The first thing that comes to mind is.. “Is this real life?” “Was this last year a dream?” “What am I doing in Texas right now?” I’ve caught myself reminding myself that yes in fact it is real life and no, this last year wasn’t a dream, it was an incredible life changing experience. And I’m in Texas because I’m on my way home to squeeze all my loved ones that I’ve missed so so so so so so so much this year. Year? Yep, that’s what I said, this YEAR. That’s the longest I’ve ever been away from home! Heck, after the first month I told my team that was the longest I’d been away from home. But I’ve actually loved it! The freedom.. The independence. It’s been pretty amazing.
As for emotions, well the emotional rollercoaster has been real this week. I have found myself tearing up about the most random things. I am overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness though. Spending the past week at debrief was a really great time to celebrate all that God has done in us and through us. We spent time together as a family making our last few unforgettable memories for the year. The feelings and emotions I get every time the squad gets together are unexplainable. When you are in a foreign place where you don’t know anyone but your squad, they become your people. They are the people who get what you’re going through. They have pretty much experienced the same thing you have. (Even if they’re on a different team) They are used to your quarks and craziness. They care enough to call you out on things (with love) that will help you to look more like Jesus. And they’ve always got your back.
This year has been a huge spiritual growth spurt for me.
Alright.. Here’s me heart..
Before I came on the race, I would have considered myself a confident person. I had a hoppin’ social life and was almost always the loudest one in the room. But when I started the race I was the quiet one that was kind of opposite to everything I just explained that I was before. I can’t explain why or how I became the quiet one on the squad but it just happened. Maybe it was my way of dealing with the craziness of the world race or realizing I didn’t actually know what I was getting myself into. 🙂 No.. Wait.. who am I kidding!? It was actually Gods plan all along. He knew exactly what was going to happen this year. (Which is crazy to think about now that I can look back at it all.) This happened because the fake confident Courtney needed to be stripped and rebuilt the right way. Before the race Courtney was hiding a lot of insecurities behind the “confident” act. But this year I went from being called Little Mouse on my first team to becoming a strong confident team leader in my last months of my race. (My teammates for the second half of the race used to say “RIP little mouse! Now we can’t get her to shut up!”) I learned a lot about my identity this year. I learned a lot about who I am in Christ and that I am a daughter of the King. I learned that I have a lot of great things to say. I’ve learned that I can change the atmosphere of a room and have a strong influence on a lot of people in my life. I also learned that I’m not perfect and make mistakes. I learned that I’m not a hero, nor will I ever be. I chose to be obedient this year and follow where God called me to go. Am I a better person than you because I flew around the world to bring kingdom to earth? No. But I did learn that if you ARE willing to be used as a vessel, He WILL use you. He wants to use you. No matter where you are. If you’re willing to be his hands and feet, he will guide and use you.
I have experienced so many crazy things this year. And all these crazy things are awesome and have given me great stories to share but really, the cool experiences, crazy stories, and coolest places I’ve been to have all really given me a different perspective on life. They have opened my eyes up to see things so differently. And to see and feel things like the Lord sees and feels things. But I wouldn’t have had this opportunity if it weren’t for my supporters. My heart is exploding with thankfulness for everyone who has supported me either financially or through prayer this year. The way I look at it, is that you were a huge part of touching the people I touched, helping the people I helped and helping me become the person I am today. The things I thought I wanted in life before the race are very different from the things I want in life now. The ideas of my future plans are very different now that before the race. My relationship with the Lord has come to a whole new level and it’s only going to get better the more I pursue Him. The cool thing about the race was that we were actually living life, just in another country. I learned that if you’re not getting filled up by God on a daily basis, you run on empty and ..well just like a car.. That doesn’t work. We need him more than He needs us but he is waiting and willing to fill us and use us if we’re seeking him. I also thought when I went on the race it would be all about me changing people’s lives around the world but I think ..no wait..I know it was more of them changing my life than me changing theirs.
This year I’ve done so many things that were hard and uncomfortable and hard and scary and out of my comfort zone, but THAT’S when we grow closer to Him! That’s when we realize we actually can’t do it on our own. He never said it was going to be easy, but he DID say he would always be there with you every step of the way. No matter what. No matter where. This year I not only learned that God is faithful but I experienced his faithfulness. Yes sometimes I’m stubborn and learn it the really hard way, but I’m a true testament to his unconditional love and faithfulness.
So I have a challenge for you. Yes you. This year has been amazing. And I’ve grown a ton, but there’s always room to grow more. My challenge to you, my loved ones, is to not let me go back to the person I was before the race. As I re-adjust back into this place that is the same but seems so different to what I’ve known this past year, help me. Please? I’m not even sure what that looks like yet. I mean at first I think it looks like finding a healthy line of loving me well but giving me space too. I want to tell you ALL the stories and hear ALL about your year! (Yikes! That sounds overwhelming.. But we’ll take it little by little) I’m going to be feeling all the feels at random times. But I ask that you just love me through it as I will go the same:) It’s all just a part of the process of re-adjusting back into life not on the race. And everyone handles it differently, so here’s to being flexible!
Yep I’m starting to sound like a crazy.. But the one thing I ask is that you don’t let me go back to the person that I was before the race. Call me higher. I want to be more like Jesus in every area of my life. Come alongside me and walk deeper into intimacy with the Father with me. That’s all I ask. Will you? Are you up for the challenge? I yearn to go deeper. That’s what’s important in life. To go deeper with you. To deeper with God. I want to be discipled and I want to disciple others. I want to have the hard conversations. That’s how we go deeper. Join me in this next season. The World Race was just the preparation process for the real race. The race of life. I’m ready. I’m excited. I’m anxiously waiting to see what’s next. And I believe that if we’re spending time with God everyday, walking in step with him, he will lead us. He will show us his plans.
Woah. That was a lot. And it was sort of all over the place.. But like I said, the tangled up headphones that needed to be untangled. That’s me.
“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Please join me in continuing to pray for my squad. This is when the enemy tries to get a hold of us. When we are doing great things for the Kingdom and when we are all re-introduced to the old bad habits. But with Him we can do all things. And Z Squad is full of strong warriors.
Also as we return home we are all going different ways but that we would be able to stay in contact as much as possible. Life gets busy but I have faith that some of these relationships we’ve built this year will last forever.
Thankyou for taking the time to hear me out! Keep an eye out for a “what’s next” blog!
Until next time!
Court
