I’m Going [Because Spiritual Warfare Exists]

Alright, let’s be real here. When I started to think about writing this post I knew that I was going to be stepping into some deep stuff. However, I feel like you all have a right to know one of the reasons why I’m leaving my family, friends, and comfy little American life for a year.
 
You see, many people have asked why I even want to go on this trip. A trip that will put my college education on hold and cause me to be, what some immediately assume, "completely cut off" from my family and friends. I’ve realized that this question sometimes comes with an “I don’t really understand how you can be so crazy” sort of look.  And that’s ok. I don’t expect people to understand if they haven’t heard my story, those of my squad, or those of all the other people who have gone on or will be setting out on this journey.
 
Simply put, I don’t want my life to go to waste. I don’t want to be 85 years old and look back on my life and regret not taking my faith more seriously. I want to be able to say, as I’m all old and wrinkly, sitting in my rocker out on my porch, that I gave everything I had to Christ. That I realized when I was young that everything I had was already His to begin with and I was only blessed with it in order to offer it back to Him in worship.
 
Now I’m getting slightly off track. *Focus Courtney, focus*
 
Going back to spiritual warfare, I do believe it exists. Furthermore, I can tell you right now that I’ve seen firsthand what it can do to a person. I have also seen the power Christ has over it.
 
So let’s take a journey, is that cool with you? Yes? I thought so.
 
Let’s go back some years, seven or eight sounds about right.
 
There I am. Yeah, that slightly awkward looking girl who really should have learned to do something else with her hair besides pull it up.
 
Anyway, it was around this time that I began to realize that being different from my sisters and other skinny, “girly girls” was making me feel kind of like the odd one out. I mean it wasn’t like I was really overweight but I was just built differently from my sisters. I would rather be outside playing a sport or helping my dad with something in the yard than putting on a dress and curling my hair. You see, I was kind of a tomboy.
 
You might be thinking to yourself right now, “Oh my gosh. Here we go, another story about a girl worrying about her looks.”
 
Well, you’ll just have to keep reading to find out. However, I promise it’ll be worth it.
 
One major thing that I've learned throughout my teen years is that satan bites and bites until he figures out what hurts the most and will keep gnawing at you like some starving animal until you completely give up and he goes for your throat. [Gross, I know.]

So going back to the story….
 
There I was, being pestered and bitten.  And you want to know what I was thinking? Why in the world wasn’t God here to kick down satan and rescue me?! I was getting to the point where I would just go in my room and cry because I hated myself so much. I hated how I looked. I hated how I acted. I hated how I never felt cool enough for the people around me.
 
I hated how I always felt alone.
 
Yup, there it was. Satan had figured out where I struggled the most and was pounding at me like a hammer, trying to get me to shatter to the point where there was no coming back.
 
I felt the biggest burden and still I couldn’t believe that this is what being a “Christian” was all about. How could I feel so completely hopeless when I’m supposed to feel joy and freedom in Christ?
 
It wasn’t until one day, about the time when I was a sophomore in high school, that I was sitting on my bed so exhausted from feeling like I was constantly being attacked. I was crying and I felt the strangest presence I have ever felt. And in that moment I felt God was telling me to let go and truly trust Him to protect me and stop trying to do it on my own.  But here’s the thing, that strange presence I just mentioned; I’m sure that one wasn’t God. I felt like someone, more like something, was standing right in front of me, waiting to jump.
 
In that moment, after hearing truth from God, I trusted that He would love me, even after all the times I’ve sinned against Him. I then looked straight at where I felt this strange presence in front of me and verbally said, “Leave me alone!” And in that split second, I felt this overwhelming sense of freedom. I felt God’s love wrap around me and instead of crying tears of pain I had tears of relief.
 
I can’t say for sure what went on that day but I know God rescued me from a battle over my heart. All I needed to do was give up trying to rescue myself and just fall into my heavenly Father’s arms.
 
Fast forward to present day.
 
We can’t expect to fight alone. Christ conquered all so we don’t have to. God calls us His children and like children we need to trust that He will protect us.
 
Sometimes it’s from things unseen.
 
This is one of the reasons I go.
 
I have experienced what it feels like to be hopeless and defeated.  I have also experienced God’s love and freedom.
 
 

 
And Christ says…
 
 

 
 
 
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Adventures in Missions
PO Box 534470
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