This past debrief, my wonderful coach Selena
told me about doing a streams of consciousness journal.
Basically, as soon as you wake up in the morning,
you grab your journal and just write.
You don't think, just write.
Here's mine from this morning:
The mirror waits for no one.
The Revealer knows all.
Shattered glass falls to the ground.
You may try to recontruct, but to no avail.
The donkey sits in the corner neglected.
What a mockery he's become!
Didnt you know you could help him?
But did you?
And yet he waits patiently.
The shelter is empty.
the fawn fears invasion.
Every document is filed away…..
The donkey's fortress is a risky place to be.
But tales of old reminisce of it's beauty.
Risky? Yes- of course!
But transformation waits on the other side of the door.
That door- ancient yet never rusted,
painted once yet never losing its shimmer.
If the fawn enters through that door,
do you think she'll be alright?
Alright. So to most of you if not all,
this probably doesn't make any sense.
But to me, it makes perfect sense.
Mirrors reveal things;
therefore I don't like mirrors.
I'm afraid of what I'll see.
I run away from my identity,
and end up shattering my life.
I try to put the pieces back together myself,
but it's impossible.
In the process, I neglect Jesus
and make a mockery of his blood,
as if it covers everyone else,
but not me.
The shelter is where the Lord is
and represents my heart.
I am the fawn.
I run from the shelter because I don't like
that he can see every part of me,
especially the junk.
I'm scared to go inside-
to let someone that close to me.
I ponder the thought of going in,
because I know it really is the best thing.
Yet still I am terrified.
The way I see it,
if I do go inside,
he will draw out a file from the cabinet
and ask me to take a seat
as he scolds me.
But an entirely different version
played out in my mind.
In the version that I saw in my mind's eye,
I walked in not to a scolding
but an embrace.
See I thought I deserved to be scolded,
but all He wanted to do was love me.
I'm just his little Raggety-Ann doll.
I roll around in the dirt of the world
until the sun goes down,
but at the end of the day
he stands at the shelter of my heart
with arms wide open, saying,
"Welcome home."
