Four weeks ago I had to come home from an 11 mouth missions trip I made it two mouths and it was the hardest that I have ever been a part of. Because it forced me to look into my own life and I know I would not have been able to if I was not on this trip. I finally found out that I am mad at God for allowing me to fall into the pool. These things I thought I dealt with a long time ago but I have not. AIM and I thought it would be best for me to deal with these things at home. But I hope to one day go back on the race and do it all over again. But what got me though the past two mouths was the song the called the Struggle witch says that (We are free to struggle We’re not struggling to be free Your blood bought and Makes us children, Children, drop your chains and sing By Tenth Avenue North) I love this song because for me it pints the picture that we can't make it on our own.
Over the past 4 weeks I've been asking God why the hell did you allow me to fall into the pool? Why didn't you take me home? Why did you have me go all the way to Africa too show me this and to have me come all way back here to my life at home? But what I have learned is that no matter how I am feeling about this I know that I am not a frailer to God and I know what God did for me was to show me how much he loves, me more today then he did yesterday. A piece of the bible keeps coming to mind and here it is (Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future) and (Psalms 93:10 says Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.)
Why does this keeps popping in my head? I think it is because I say I relay 100% on God but don't people ask how we know the bible is real it is the word of God that is what I put my faith in and I love Christ with all my heart because he want to obey his father and take our punishment on the cross which was death on the cross thanks to him we are forgiven so why do we not believe in God if we only did we would have life. Life is meaningless without Christ for the bible says that if you me you know my father the father and I are one so I am so thankful to be here to deal with this here and not on the field. Because I know am worth it. Even though Christ Fellowship church told me that I was unworthy to go on this trip right before I left. But we all know that saying that says that says (sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hart me) that is lye from hell. Because the word may be empty but they show the what's in the heart and much sin and we need to know that it was our sin is why Christ had to die. He had to die to be the ransom for many.
My good friend Christina on H squad called me to see why I came back home so after two months. So this is why I am writing this.
