(I’ve been wrestling with how to write this blog for probably too long now. I want to share all about Training Camp… but at the same time I want to make an effort to keep the intricacies of TC somewhat secret from future World Racers. It was extremely beneficial for me to enter into camp without many expectations or much of an understanding as to what the heck I was stepping in to, so I don’t wanna ruin the surprise for future racers. Hopefully this blog will accomplish a balance of vulnerability and secret-keeping…)
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Oh, how do I even begin to describe those 10 days…
I slept in a trash bag on the dirt with only a tarp separating me from the pouring rain. I ate half as much as I would’ve liked to and brushed away more daddy long legs than I knew ever existed. I oozed and itched as poison ivy spread across my body (don’t worry — that wasn’t induced by AIM staff as part of training :)] . I took my first bucket shower and spent many hours of many nights shivering in the cold. I learned that my tent is practically a 5-star hotel and that baby wipes and Febreeze are your best friends.
I came to the end of myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
But I worshipped without fear and hesitation. I learned to trust God a little more and complain a little less. I encountered the Holy Spirit in fresh ways. I met my sweet, amazing squadmates who will become my new family over the next 11 months and was assigned to a team of 6 [strong] lovely ladies who love the Lord dearly.
Training Camp was so, so hard but so very good, and I feel decently prepared for the craziness I’ll without a doubt encounter on the World Race. Also, I’m so very impressed by Adventures in Missions and their thoughtfulness, intentionality, prayerfulness and discernment! This girl is PUMPED to be a part of an organization like that.
I want to share some of what I learned those 10 days, but I’m still processing everything for myself (and probably will be for a while…big surprise, I know). So here’s a little bullet list to help tackle the key points I’ve come away with so far:
– This year is going to be HARD. It’s not a vacation. It’s not a way to backpack across the globe.
– I am strong.
– But it’s totally okay to cry sometimes, too.
– My worth doesn’t come from what I do (or don’t do).
– Future Training Campers: Snacks… Febreeze… Wet Wipes… x500
– It’s time to start walking confidently in the gifts the Lord has given me.
– The ride can be just as good from the back seat.
– Hopping into a hammock provides instant relief, comfort and relaxation…For real. It’s like morphine for World Racers.
– Community living is very rewarding.
– Corporate worship, group discussions and sessions are all fantastic and life-giving, but my walk with the Lord needs a good dose of Jesus time – INTROVERT style in order to be most fulfilling and effective.
But here’s the biggest thing: I have the itch.
To “itch for” means to have a persistent, restless craving for something. Training Camp was a time where I was able to experience “the itch” both literally and figuratively.
I experienced the meaning of this phrase quite literally as I itched physically due to a pretty rough poison ivy outbreak all down my legs and some on my arms. Oh, boy did I ever. You wanna talk itch? I’m your girl. Throughout Training Camp I battled the bumps and was forced to take a few steps back and shift focus a little bit. Probably the biggest lesson God was trying to teach me during my ten days of training: It’s okay to just BE sometimes. God doesn’t need me to prove myself to him, and I shouldn’t have to prove myself to others. Physically, I was forced to take a few steps back as it was less than ideal for my squadmates to come in contact with my oozing sores…
The first day we began doing team formation activities, I simply couldn’t participate as fully as I would’ve liked to. TRIGGER. That was the first moment that the emotion set it. My team trekked across AIM grounds, some members carrying one “unconscious” girl and some stabilizing the “one-legged” member, and I was left to cheer and encourage from the “sidelines.” And then I had to ask my group to do my portion of the physical activity. Wow. That was hard. Not because I was worried that they wouldn’t do it for me, but because I had to ask for help. My experience thus far in life has been, quite literally, that of a teammate leading ON the court, in the middle of the action. I want to do do do and go go go. I’m an initiator, and I want to be completely involved in the task at hand, so it was a tremendous challenge to have to take a few steps back, cheering from the sidelines and needing my teammates to help do my part.
But here’s the thing. And I KNOW this truth… I’ve just never been forced to acknowledge it for myself until now. As captain of my college volleyball team for two years and starting libero for three, my experience on teams was always tied to the roles of helping and leading my team from the center of the action, on the court. I encouraged my teammates on the sidelines that they were just as important to the team as the starters on the court, and I believed that! I know how much it means to have your teammates cheering you on and encouraging you from the sidelines. Those people are needed on a team; it’s a role that has to be filled for a well-functioning group. But I never had to stand in their shoes. And you don’t really understand someone’s reality until you’ve walked in their shoes. It was in that first team building activity that I really experienced what it looks like to take a few steps back and cheer my teammates on while they took on the task at hand.
My worth does not come from what I do. I am so valuable to my team, whether that’s in the form of me being the leader in the midst of the action or the quiet encourager from the sidelines. Every position is valuable. And every position is needed. On the field there might come a time where some teammates go out onto the streets to tackle ministry head on and a few of us need to stay behind and intercede on the others’ behalf. Both roles are absolutely necessary, they just look a little different. And I’m grateful for the itch that taught me to take a few steps back and experience teamwork from a different angle than normal.
So that was the physical itch and all it taught me. I also experienced an “itch for more” in the figurative sense spiritually. I itched for so much MORE! That may sound corny, but it’s such an accurate [and relevant] word choice. I itched for more of Him. More boldness. More of His giftings. More, MORE, MORE!! One of my favorite worship songs (hollaaa to my fellow Knoxvillians, United Pursuit Band!) ever says: “Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control. I want more of you God!” That pretty much sums it all up. I want so badly to be a disciple that makes disciples. I want to follow along in the footsteps of the first disciples: “…And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the Word of God boldly” (Acts 4:31). My story parallels theirs so much that it’s a little freaky (but AWESOME). In a season of waiting, the apostles were sent to an upper room in Jerusalem where they were to wait for the gift that the Father had promised them – the Holy Spirit. “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8). Similarly, after a season of waiting and clinging to the truth I knew He had spoken to me for that season of life (“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” Ps. 27:13-14), the Lord sent me to Jerusalem, Israel where on a balcony a few stories high I experienced the Holy Spirit in a new, incredible way. And now I myself am going out into all the world, to the ends of the earth, to proclaim His name! Wowza. The Lord sorta loves me a lot and has written an incredible story for my life, and I’m SO PUMPED to walk it out!
Sooo, that’s all folks! Exactly THREE WEEKS from today I’ll head to Atlanta for Launch and then just a few days later I’ll hop on a plane to ALBANIA to start this crazy journey! Woohoo!
