My mind is my own worst enemy. Or more so… the enemy loves to use my mind against me.
Thoughts have power, and too often I find myself stuck in my head, battling thoughts back as they try to take over my reality. Lately, I go back and forth thinking myself in and out of situations that haven’t even presented themselves yet.
Learning to take my thoughts captive has been one of the biggest battles I’ve faced in my walk with the Lord.
One of the main things the Lord has been teaching me over the last year or so is that He can (and will) give me grace for the moment. I don’t need to wrestle over the unknown; I don’t need to worry about things that are outside of my control.
I had a sweet friend preach this truth to me over and over during a season of life when I was struggling to control my thinking most: “Corrie, don’t even worry about it. If that situation does come around, God can give you grace for that moment.”
BOOM. Can’t argue with truth. What’s the point in wrestling with the idea of something that might or might not even happen? Trying to plan out every single moment and control every outcome leaves no room for the Lord to move. It’s sinful. It’s me relying on my own strength and abilities instead of trusting in the Lord.
I’m currently reading The Heavenly Man, the story of a Chinese man living out his Christian faith in China despite the horrific opposition he faced. He speaks this truth in his book:
“When we arrive at the end of our own strength it is not defeat, but the start of tapping into God’s boundless resources. It is when we are weak that we are strong in God.”
I’m learning that me trying to have everything all together all the time isn’t strength. It’s a dangerous behavior that can lead to sinfulness and shutting God out. At some point I must stop relying on my own abilities and leave room for the Holy Spirit to move in and through me.
Brother Yun continues in his book,
If you are a servant of the Lord, let me encourage you to please, please, humbly watch that you don’t slip into the same error I did (becoming exhausted in the ministry where working for God had taken the place of loving God). The Lord God jealously desires us for himself. He is the lover of our souls. If we ever put anything before our relationship with Jesus – even our work for Jesus – then we will be ensnared. If you are burned out, stop! Rest! Your lamp needs a constant infilling of the Lord’s oil or your light will be snuffed out. Remember that “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it … Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! (Isaiah 30:15,18)
Brother Yun’s words of wisdom and warning are words that I think I as well as my fellow World Racers should hold in our hearts throughout the World Race. We’re about to enter a season of life that will drastically contrast with our current lives. Our comfy beds will be swapped for 2 inch sleeping pads, our closets for 65L backpacks and the comforts and familiarity of home for the unknown – an unknown filled with confusing languages, strange foods and probably more sweat than we’re used to with fewer showers than we’d like…
But eventually these new minimalistic missionary lifestyles will become familiar and mundane. Travel days and continent hopping will become normal, and sticky, stinky bodies will be what we’re used to. There will eventually come a day when the fire and excitement we once felt for sharing the news of Jesus feels more like work than a privilege. It is in those moments when “normal” threatens the posture of our hearts and our attitudes towards the Lord that I pray Brother Yun’s words will echo in our hearts and minds.
But there will also be grace for that moment.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
