I’m constantly blown away by my unbelief and how floored I am when I recognize the trend in my heart.
I am humbled and blessed to be on a team of spiritually in tune squad mates. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and I get caught in the spirit of comparison ; especially when it comes to fundraising.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for my mates that are fully funded. I rejoice with them in celebration for the Lord’s faithfulness. It’s hard though, knowing this process has been over a year and a half and I’m still only three quarters funded.
So the other night, we were having squad worship time. It was rough, unplanned. I couldn’t help but be a bit distracted and I started to duke it out with God. I can be such a child sometimes, throwing a tantrum about something trivial.
Well, I can’t hear you right now, so prove You’re real.
Crickets
Okay. Fine. Have someone ask me a question about bananas. But I guess you are before and after and in all moments so let’s say by tomorrow. You know what, let’s say next two or three days. That seems fair.
I even rolled my eyes at my selfishness and how silly I was being. But a stubborn part of me wouldn’t let it go.
We continued on to the lesson, a challenge to boost the prophetic by pressing in to its mystery. My previous wager with my Father forgotten, I began to listen, trying to calm my rising anxiety about what I knew was coming.
“Well now that we’ve talked about it, let’s DO it.”
I’m always afraid I’ll mess up or won’t hear or see something. And if I do, will I be able to hear it’s purpose ?
We paired off and I was pointed at and called out from across the room by Candace. I couldn’t help but feel intimidated by this woman of grace, a woman filled with such truth, wisdom and knowledge.
We pulled chairs so we were touching knees, her in a white and me in a black. I chuckled and mentioned it was like ebony and ivory.
She put her hand on me knee and exclaimed “what about a banana !?”
I’ll be honest, nothing registered in that moment.
And then, as it seems to be the norm ; MONSOON.
Candace misheard me, but her response was God saying “I heard you.”
Next night, speaking about stepping into our identity, our gifts. Sharing practical tools and tips for ensuring a life fixed on God and stepping out of the box of ministry.
I noted in my journal about the bananas, kicking myself that I wasn’t more in tune with His speaking to me. All of a sudden getting excited to see what was next, while at the same time wondering what was wrong with me. I asked for a silly question and He answered, quickly. What more am I looking for ?
Chris chimes in, always with words that bring life, reality and chuckles.
“I mean, it was just bananas !”
“Do you believe Me yet ?”
So tonight I close my eyes and look forward to a brighter future and a brighter day. If God can be sassy and ask about bananas, He can provide for this season. He can lead me through dark times and He will dance with me in the ones that are brighter than the sun.
Enough wondering if I’ve got it in me. The Holy Spirit dwells in me, He dwells in you. Just listen ! He’ll make you laugh, make you cry. Tell you over and over again that He loves you 100% all of the time, even when you mess up, even when you question Him.
#holyspiritcome #jesusrocksmyworld #words #praise #11n11
