It’s confession time.
I’m still hurting after losing my family at training camp in October. But I let it become toxic to me and my perspective of the race and my new team. I think I’ve been in denial the past few months, simply caught up in myself and my self-pity.
So begins a new day, a new chapter and a newly strengthened resolve and commitment to my team for August Extreme 2016.
We’re going to pioneer the entire Amazon. That’s cool. But that fact is far outweighed by the blessing it is to serve an entire continent with the most filling of meals ; the Gospel !
Let’s take a trip through the past two months to get up to speed for what we’re now stepping into.
I was given the opportunity in March to serve with a church from Ponca City, OK and a few friends from the Pittman crew and an organization called 1Mission. Together, we built a house for an amazing lady name Rosa. It was humbling to see the under-developed area she lived in – dirt roads, houses about the size of a standard garage here, fences made of random scrap from swimming pool siding, tin and fence. Stray dogs limping about, struggling to find shade and a scrap of food.
We worked for four days to mix and pour the foundation, build the walls and assemble it all. Add the finishing touches and I had my first experience with a very real, very measurable and tangible form of international ministry.
But, as it often is in ministry, she wasn’t the only one touched by the acts of service. We toiled in hot days but were granted shade and water and we loved on each other. I was moved so deeply by how the Lord used each and every one of the 14 servants on the trip and how He worked in them in the short span of a week.
I saw Father’s hands lift Rosa up, each and every day as she sat by and smiled. We were divided by a language barrier, but love is a universal language – it’s shown in your eyes, in your movements – in your sacrifices. And when we finished and handed over a Bible we’d each inscribed a personal message in – her eyes welled and she struggled for words. Everything hit us all in an instant and we were overwhelmed by such a multitude of emotions.
In that moment, I found a new understanding of my Father’s love for me. How He uses those around me in so many ways, more than I give Him credit for. He gives me a smile and makes me feel good through silly banter at work. He challenges me to be better at everything I do by providing me with people I butt heads with, constantly. He gives me laughter [oh-so-awkward] and joy through a positive spirit and in turn uses my quite distinctive laugh to start a round of laughter.
I used to hate how I sounded when I laughed. It’s hard to hate something that has the power to incite joy when that’s what you want to fight for every day.
And that was just the beginning.
I’ve been praying fervently for revelation from God. I think I was spoiled and expected explicit direction similar to the image that clearly directed me back to Kansas in August 2014. Every time I pray, I only ever get one thing, one word : MARCH. In every color, in every typeface, in every style and form imaginable.
I saw it, heard it and my immediate response is the month of March. How one-track minded I can be. You see, I fell into a trap of self-pity, wallowing in my old need to be needed and loved. Fear of rejection and abandonment. It’s terrifying to see how quickly that mindset can leech on your relationships and your ability to think and feel and take a step back and give everything to the Lord.
I shared this word I couldn’t make anything of with a few people and the only two people to respond with their interpretation both took the same perspective ; it wasn’t relative to a time of year, but instead a call to action, to march on and continue.
From the wise words of a friend, my spirits were lifted and I knew that it was time to commit verbally what my heart had been telling me since before Mexico :
- I am South America bound in less than four months.
- The enemy is coming, full speed ahead and he will not stop for anything. The Lord is greater than anything the devil can plot as a trap, but only when we relinquish our pride and give our situations to Him can He help us.
“Don’t let your yesterday prevent you from stepping into what [the Father] has called you to.”
Even my older sister has given me encouraging words – she isn’t a follower of Christ, but she knows what this mission means to me. She knows what it is to feel abandoned and rejected and now, after years of prayer and broken relationships, she knows what it is to be loved by a good man.
I asked her to pray for me, because I know and believe so heavily in the power of prayer. She agreed to, “only ’cause [she] loves me.” But I don’t know if either of us can remember the last time she prayed.
She was willing to put aside her agenda and her desire for me to be there when my newest nephew came into this world because of her love for me. Because she understands what it means to me to be able to give my time, my life to the people who have never felt that connection of sisterhood, of family. The connection that makes you feel warm and makes me cry at the drop of a hat. It’s weird ! But it is beautiful.
I get goosebumps thinking about how I am loved.
By the people in my life and by the good Father who watches over us.
So I will let go of my fear of missing out on some big events in the lives of those I love to serve those who have never been told and never felt like they could be loved, that they are loved.
“In Your presence there is freedom
In Your presence there is hope
n Your presence there is healing
Love restores me, I am whole
No matter how far I run
You are with me
No matter how far I fall.”
All for His Glory.
#augustextreme #marchon #watchoutsouthamerica
