She told me in her quiet, thoughtful voice, “It’s like…well… you can love the Lord, but you need to be IN LOVE with the Lord.” I opened my mouth to respond….and couldn’t.
Am I in love with the Lord?
This woman had shown up next to me after our first rest stop on the bus trip from St. Louis to Memphis, ironically, just when I was thanking God for blessing me with the solitude of an empty row of seats. I had slept like a baby! Well, like a baby on a MegaBus anyway. She was eager to connect from the start, immediately offering to share her snacks with me. I was simply not ready to connect, not ready to accept that perhaps God had brought us together for a reason. When I declined, she finished her dinner alone and then got out the tiny New Testament she’d apparently been studying since the ride started and held it close to her eyes. I know God is nudging me now. Still, I decline his offer too, and go back to writing my blog post about packing, opening my own tiny pink Bible open to Luke 9.
God, however, is blessedly persistent.
She notices my Bible and says, “Oh! You’re reading the Bible too?” I finally surrender and turn my full attention to her. “I am,” I say with a genuine smile. She grabs on. “Someone gave this one to me and I’ve been studying Romans 12. Can I tell you what I think He’s trying to tell us?” I continue to smile, “Of course!” She slowly reads the first two verses, taking time to give each word power, particularly the part about not being conformed to the world, but being transformed instead. She tells me of the conviction she’s been feeling to live differently, live more kindly. She says she thinks God is calling us to be someone different than before, to be new. We together remember God’s promise to make us a new creation (although neither of us know where that verse lives).
Then she asks me if I evangelize. I tell her that I’m not very good at it, but I’m doing this thing called the World Race and will have lots of practice over the next year. I ask her if she evangelizes and it’s her turn to smile. “No, you’re my first.” I’m honestly surprised and I tell her so. Actually, I’m honored and embarrassed at the same time. I hear more of her story, what demons live in her past, the struggles she’s been through and is still going through. She says despite all of it, she can relate to people better now, offer encouragement to those who are walking the same path she did.
Listening to her give glory to our God, I can’t help but think that God had blessed me so much and yet my heart is not nearly as grateful as hers. That’s when she tells me that it’s not just about loving the Lord, it’s about being IN love with the Lord. Together we talk about ‘blessing it forward’ to share our Lord with everyone and again we circle back to living life differently.
As I set off on this journey, I’m hoping to honor this conversation, to begin a new life, one lived differently, one lived for my God. Not just on the Race, but when I get back too. Sometimes I regret the time it has taken me to get to this point, but I hear my God’s voice say “Who told you that?” and I can’t help but smile. I know he has used all my decisions for good, and that he works in perfect timing despite all those decisions. I am convicted though – convicted to trust Him to lead me, to surrender for a year and see how it goes.
For my prayer warriors back home, would you pray that I would seek Him with my whole heart, that I would fall in love with Him? I’ll be praying the same for you.
“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with your whole heart.” ~Jeremiah 29:13
