So is it just me, or is 2016 flying by? With only two months to meet my first fundraising goal, worry has really started to settle in. The last few days, my brain has not stopped going over how insanely impossible this all seems. Now, I haven’t slept in the last 24 hours, and the entire time, so many questions have been running through my head.
“How will this ever happen for me, when I literally have not raised a single dollar? Why would God put this on my heart, if it’s not really going to happen? And what if it does happen? I’m terrified of talking to people, I don’t have many scriptures memorized, I’ve never been very eloquent in person. How can I go out into the world and share the word of God, when some days I can hardly even put into words what He means to me?”
Now, as I was laying in bed trying to get some sleep, while simultaneously getting angry at myself, and I’m not going to lie, a little mad at God too. I heard Him tell me to open my Bible. At first I thought, “Really? That’s the answer? It seems too simple, surely nothing can really come of it. Can’t I just fall asleep instead?” But no. God was determined to keep me awake, and I’m so glad He did. Strangely enough, it wasn’t an actual passage of scripture that got me, but one of the ‘reflection sections’ that were so wonderfully added to this bible. This devotion was referring to Mark 3:1-19 when Jesus called upon His twelve disciples to follow Him.
It hit right at home for me. ” ‘Who, me, Lord?’
‘Yes, you. I’m calling you.’
‘But what you’re asking of me is too difficult. I don’t have the skills or training. I can’t possible succeed at this!’
Does this conversation sound familiar? Many of us know the experience of being asked to take on a task that seems much too demanding for us. We’re afraid of failure. We make excuses. But by doing so, we may miss the joy of being part of something wonderful….When Jesus calls us to follow Him, He’s not looking for the smartest, or the strongest, or the most brave. He doesn’t check our resume or call our list of references. Scripture is full of stories of women and men who were used powerfully by God despite their lack of experience or expertise. How about you? Is God asking you to accept an assignment that seems far beyond your comfort zone? Are you afraid that you might fail? Are you afraid that you might succeed? Take heart from this account of those whom Jesus chose to be his closest companions – those who would carry on his work. They changed the world, not because of what they had in themselves, but because of the One who empowered them.”
So yeah, that really hit me right in the gut. Especially the “Are you afraid you might fail? Are you afraid you might succeed?” lines. The point in all this is that it’s not all about me. It’s not about my worries or my insecurities or the fact that I turn into a stammering fool when people start listening to what I have to say. It’s not about the money, the paperwork, the appeal of travel. It’s not about the dozens of hours we’ll spend on the plane, it’s not about sitting in my tent by myself reading a book. It’s about the people that we meet, about loving them they way that God has loved us. I have been called to spread the gospel across the nations, and He has given me a passion for missions which is something that I never in a million years thought that I would be interested in. He is not setting me up for failure or disappointment. For through Him, ALL THINGS are possible. And I know that somehow, some way, He will provide. Always.
