It still hasn’t entirely hit me that in 2 months, I’ll be standing in a totally new place. Doing ministry with people that I haven’t even met yet (because I am technology-averse enough that Facebook interactions don’t count as meeting someone). Right now, I’m stuck in between the preparation and the launch. I can’t fathom leaving this routine – on the one hand, I’m beyond excited, but on the other, I can’t begin to imagine how my life is going to change.
That’s the reason I haven’t kept up with the blogging like I meant to. (I’m terrible about always making excuses for doing everything but writing, but here I am again.)
Tonight, however, it’s good to have this outlet. I’m writing (make that trying to write) letters to the parents of the kids I’ve been teaching – some for almost 7 months, some for only a few weeks.
My thoughts and thus my sentences are still a jumble. What scares me the most is the feeling that I’m going to be letting them down by leaving, like going on the Race is a selfish endeavor. I worry that they’ll be mad at me, or think I’m being a snob, or a million other things that are unlikely and out of my control anyway.
I know in my heart that’s not the truth, but it’s hard to put into words how much both of these things mean to me – my current job, and my next. As hectic as getting 2 year olds to work together can be, they are also infinitely precious. These past 2 weeks, as the clock started winding down, I’ve found myself more and more stopping to take it all in. To soak up the sweet moments – the kisses blown at pick up, the hugs from sleepy kiddos attaching themselves to my legs, hearing a gleeful “Ms. Corinne!” from across the classroom. Because I knew, even though they didn’t, that it will not last much longer.
I will really miss them, just like I miss all the other babies I’ve gotten to take care of and then let go. But I know I am called, not to bigger and better things, but to something different. This path may end back in child care, or it may take me in a totally unexpected direction. For now, I’m merely grateful for the memories that I will take with me, so very soon, when I head into the unknown.
