There’s a little over 2 months left. About 9 weeks before I’ll be home in Alabama. 65 days before I’ll be sleeping in my bed and eating my favorite foods and hugging people I have only seen over a phone or computer since January. After completing 8 months I genuinely thought the last 3 would be the easiest, that I’ve mastered this whole race thing. I know how to fall asleep anywhere, to eat what’s put in front of me, to find alone time in a house full of 42 people. I knew there were still things to learn, but I didn’t think they would be very difficult lessons. I’ve been realizing things about myself and learning about God and who He is for the past 8 months. I thought the worst has been brought up already and that the last 3 months would only bring small changes.
These past 3 weeks in Romania have been some of the hardest days of this whole year. I have seen some ugly parts of myself come to light from selfishness, anger, entitlement, and taking out frustrations on other people.
I cried leaving Ireland. Simply, I wanted to stay there or wanted to go home. I had no desire to come to Romania, or for that matter Moldova or Albania. I learned so much from the people we worked with at Causeway Coast Vineyard and there wasn’t a day that I was not excited to wake up and start ministry. Since being here, I have dreaded starting ministry everyday. In the morning I go to intercession and then after lunch I am working in the church office with our contact. Ministry this month is contained inside 4 walls, not out in the community connecting with Romanian people. Ministry looks different in every country, even in different cities within those countries. I forgot it’s what I signed up for: to serve, to love, to share Jesus with people who don’t know Him, no matter what it looks like. This month just so happens to be in an office.
After letting my team know how I was feeling after the first week, it slowly started to get better. Bringing things into light doesn’t give darkness power over it anymore. My prayer every day was for God to change my heart towards this place. I began to write something I was thankful for here each day, to find small moments of joy. After reflecting and realizing that I let myself get in the way, I began to wake up every morning and humble myself, to remind me that it’s not about me or what I want. It’s about Jesus.
God has been so gracious to allow me to see the fruits of my labor so far this month. Being in the office, I get to hear the answers to prayer requests we intercede for each morning. Some we won’t be here to see but others happen days or even hours after we pray. I did a lot of planning and scheduling for the Parent Vision Trip we had last week, and at church last Sunday one of the dad’s that was here got up and told about his week and how a couple moments in ministry had really impacted him and he really felt the power of the Holy Spirit. Knowing I had a small part in placing him in that ministry made it all worth it.
I’m still a work in progress. There are a lot of changes to be made, but Jesus is transforming me daily into looking more like Him and I am grateful to have grace and love from my teammates to help guide me. I’m thankful for God opening my eyes before this month was over and for this wake-up call. What a waste it would have been to just go through the motions. The Lord is faithful and has redeemed this month and I know He will be faithful in Moldova and Albania. I am now honestly looking forward to what the last two months will bring and who knows, these last 3 months may just be the best yet.
