I hadn’t planned to post this blog just yet, but now I feel like its the right time seeing as tomorrow is Father’s Day. Days like tomorrow will always be the more difficult ones. I have to trust in my dad’s unconditional love that he showed me constantly and not doubt that he is proud of me. I also need to trust other people that knew him well when they say he loved me so much and would be extremely proud of me. But even more than that I have to trust my Heavenly Father’s guidance and strive to make Him proud, and that is what I’m trying to do.
You may or may not know already that I am a chemical engineering major. And it may or may not come as a surprise that I don’t really like it. I struggled a lot with the decision of my major over the past four years. I originally chose it before beginning my freshman year. My dad had loved the idea of me doing engineering, and math was easy for me and science too, so why not? So chemical engineering it was. My first class was an intro to chemical engineering class and we talked about all the different things you can do with it. They said I could work for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and I was sold. Fast forward through a couple hard classes when I wanted to get out before it was too late, but when I brought the idea up to my dad he looked and sounded very disappointed. I can still remember his exact words: “Not everyone can be a chemical engineer, but you can.” His belief in me was enough. I decided to stick it out.
Well until January of last year. Second semester junior year is the hardest semester of the chemical engineering curriculum, at least at Alabama. Imagine missing the first couple days and feeling behind all semester. Throw in missing a couple more days when my grandfather died in February. I honestly don’t know how I passed that semester, except for that I had help from the Lord. It’s all a blur when I try and think back to it. I remember calling my mom in tears that I couldn’t do it and hated my major because my grades weren’t what they usually were. I didn’t enjoy it all and didn’t want to do that for the rest of my life. My phenomenal counselor told me not to make any rash decisions, so I decided to not make any decisions until summer was over. I kept repeating those words from my dad to myself over and over until the semester was over. That summer included Africa. South Africa ignited passions in me totally unrelated to engineering but they were also things that I had never done before or had never learned to do. The Lord made me realize that He was going to equip me for whatever He wanted me to do and my major didn’t matter. So I kept it. My degree didn’t define me.
It took some time to realize there was a deeper reason to me not wanting to switch my major. I didn’t want to disappoint my dad. I didn’t want to let that connection go and since he wasn’t here he couldn’t give his opinion. One Wednesday night at our college service, the Lord told me that it was okay to let it go, that I wouldn’t be disappointing my dad, that he would still be proud of me no matter what I did. It didn’t happen immediately. It was a process, and letting go of that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I needed to find my own passions and what I liked to do and what the Lord wanted me to do. Since it was my senior year, it was too late to switch majors, so I decided to finish, but I focused less on school and went searching for things I enjoy, that I’m passionate about. And maybe the Lord has plans for me to use my degree in a way I’ll enjoy and that will glorify Him. But I’m content with not knowing that right now and my plans for the next year.
So here I am preparing to go on the World Race! It combines my passions for working with children, bringing joy and hope to orphans, and doing those things in a different country. It’s crazy to look back and see the path I took to get here and how the Lord’s hand was in it all. I am sure many more passions will be revealed throughout this process as well.
This month I have been taking a summer lab class that is pretty much a 24/7 thing. I have been sleep deprived, energy-deprived, and haven’t been able to spend time with my friends and family. So the funny thing is that I see world race prep in this. I was put together with a team of people I didn’t know and had to spend basically all of my time with them. After 2 weeks we know each other pretty well. We have had to learn to work together and what our strengths and weaknesses are. So cool that I’m going to be in the same situation in about 6 short months! God definitely knows what He is doing. Since I haven’t been able to depend on my normal things I do for rest or for energy, I been forced to depend on the Lord, which is always something I can learn more of. Depending on Him for energy, feeling rested, joy, and patience when I’m all out. Other things I feel like that will be happening next year.
I was dreading this month solely because of this lab, but the Lord once again blew away my expectations. Never did I even imagine that summer lab would help prepare me for the world race. How could my major that I don’t particularly like help teach me about something I’m passionate about? One word: Jesus.
