So far my race has been wonderful. I have made friends with people who don't speak the same language as me. I have done things that I never thought I would do. I have shared my testimony many times. I had my first scuffle with a teammate. I have tried new foods. I taught teenagers the importance of fellowship. I have had at least two hundred bug bites (I think that's what they were). I probably ate 5 whole watermelons in the first month alone. I have been asked to see my passport too many times to count. But I'm afraid that this is all going to come to an end before it should.
Why you ask?
Only because of the most wanted possession, but the most hated thing by God, in life.
Money.
Of course I tried to raise the $15 000 needed for the race, before I left. I wrote support letters, had garage sales, set up tables at the grocery stores displaying my t-shirts, crafts, assortment of threads of hope bracelets in the hopes of selling it and I even had a co-worker make a raffle to sell at work. I spent endless hours telling people about what I was about to embark on, hoping that they would get excited enough to write a cheque to help me. I still only raised enough money to make it to training camp. After much more prayer and a few more phone calls. I raised enough to make it to launch.
Now almost two months in to the race and I can feel God working in my life but not in my bank account. The next deadline is Oct.1 and I need $6000 more by then in my account or I will be forced to go home. Not because they don't want me, not because I don't want to be here and not because God can't use me here but because I simply can not travel around the world and live out of an empty wallet.
My team and I decided to have worship one night out in the back yard. While lying on the grass and calling out to God I felt a great stress about my financial situation. I couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time raising money. I was jealous of my teammates who are fully funded. I wasn't even sure that God wanted me to stay. "Maybe it is not His will for me to continue." I thought. Even though that thought scares me because I really want to stay here and don't think that I'm ready to go home yet. Home to what ? My job, my routine, my TV, my shopping addiction, my self hatred, my boredom, my fantasy, my obsession with food, my need for praise, my selfish attitude, the list goes on. I came here not only to share the love of Christ but also to become more like Christ. I want Christ to change who I am inside.
Now I know that is not an easy thing to do, it takes other people to help you. Living in community and exposing myself to people, who I don't even know me that well yet, is definitely teaching me new things about myself and making me a better person.
Let's get back to me lying on the grass. As I lay there in my distress I began to pray. I asked God to please provide for me. "I don't want to go home" I plead with Him. As tears run down my face, I told Him, I want my life to be Yours, I want Your will for my life, I want to be Your servant. I hoped that it wasn't His will that I go home. But I thought "Maybe it is but then why did I feel called to come here in the first place? Only to stay the first 3 months of an 11 month mission trip." That doesn't make sense to me. So I prayed to God. "Is it your will for me to be here, Lord, do you want me to stay? Please, my God, will you provide for me? If so Lord give me a sign." I continued, while looking up at the stars in the night sky, with tears running down my face. "Please Lord, if you are going to provide for me, show me a shooting star right now." I wanted to know so badly, I did not want to wait to see if God was going to maybe provide later. So I ask again " Father show me that you want me to stay. Will you provide what I need to stay and to share your love. Lord I want to serve."
I waited a watched for any shooting stars. For awhile I didn't see anything and then I thought I seen one out of the corner of my eye and then another so small I could hardly see them. I thought "if this is all you have to show me, then I don't even think they are from you." I doubted that the small little stars were from God. He would show me something more than that. Wouldn't He? I laid there contemplating the thought, that it may be time to go home.
Then right in front of my eyes came the biggest shooting star I have ever seen. I could even see the tail on it. At first, all I could say was to my teammates "Wow that was big… sweet!" But then the full realization of what had just happened hit me. My chin quivered and my eyes filled with tears and all I could say was "thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord, oh, Lord thank you."
I still can't believe that God showed up even after I doubted Him. It reminds me of how faithful God really is. When you really pour out your heart to Him and call upon Him. He always hears you and answers your prayers. Sometimes you just have to be willing to watch and wait.
