Listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations:
Before I was born the LORD called me;
from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name.
He made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.
He said to me, “You are my servant,
Israel, in whom I will display my splendor.”
But I said, “I have labored in vain;
I have spent my strength for nothing at all.
Yet what is due me is in the LORD’s hand,
and my reward is with my God.”
And now the LORD says"
he who formed me in the womb to be his servant to bring Jacob back to him
and gather Israel to himself, for I am[a] honored in the eyes of the LORD
and my God has been my strength"
he says: “It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of Jacob
and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,
that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.”
This is what the LORD says"
the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel" to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation,
to the servant of rulers: “Kings will see you and stand up,
princes will see and bow down, because of the LORD, who is faithful,
the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”
I have been feeling really discouraged lately. As mentioned in my previous blogs I will have to go home because of lack of funding.
I felt like a failure. "Did I not try hard enough?" I thought. Even though I exhausted all my efforts and resources. Don't people even care about what I'm doing? I even was mad that people back home weren't supporting me. Thoughts like "Why can they buy a new car or new clothes but can't support a missionary, who gave up everything including her entire wardrobe for a year." Selfishness and self pity flooding my mind. I tried to push those thoughts out but they kept come back.
The other day I struggling to understand a sermon in church because of the language barrier so I flipped open my bible and read the passage above from Isaiah 49. These words reminded me of my purpose. That I was not a failure and that God is my strength and my reward. I'm here because the Lord put me here. I have been so caught up in my desire to stay on the Race and live a great adventure. I have forgotten who put me here in the first place. God!
God put me here for the last six months and I have grown and served under Him. Now I realize that he may be calling me home. If he wanted me to stay He would have provided a way for me too. Since that has not happened, I'm coming to accept that he wants me to go back to Canada where He will use me there for His good and pleasing will. I know that it is not everyone's calling to give and I shouldn't think that they should. I was starting to feeling like people owed me and I'm sorry. That is obviously not true. I kept hearing stories of my teammates getting blessed and was told to keep my faith because "God can work miracles and He will bless you too" but they never happened, at least not the way I expected. I'm happy that others have seen the way God can provide but I didn't understand why it didn't happen for me.
God works in mysterious ways. He is trying to teach me something. I know! But it was still hard. Now that the deadline has come and gone. I can stop hoping for the miracles that I expected and start thanking God for the things He has already done. I still can't believe that I have made it this far and I have been to seven different countries in six months. I don't know why I was so angry. God has blessed me so much. The devil has always has ways of getting in. Doesn't he? But I will not give him the victory, I have definitely learn form this frustration and I pray God will continue to give me a right attitude. I'm sorry of I have offended anyone with my nagging or negative comments. I love you all and thank all my sponsors for your support, encouragement and love.
I pray that God bless you all and that you trust in HIM to provide all your needs. Amen
I going to spend a month in Uganda by myself to work at a children s home and visit my sponsor child before going back to Canada. I can already see God blessing me here and that it was His purpose for me to come here by myself and continue serving. Please Keep praying!
