This blog and video has been a long time in the making.
And I sincerely apologize to all of you out there wondering and waiting for some insight into my life from after the world. Basically just know, I think I’ve tried to write this about 10 times.
And its not because I’ve had this ‘grandiose’ idea i’ve been struggling to portray, or the lack of time, its just because I don’t know what to,
-say.
How are you supposed to describe being ejected from the perfect storm of unpredictable adventure into the familiar comforts and routines of home? How in the world do I adequately thank ALL of you who supported me, and prayed diligently for my heart? Where do I even begin to close this chapter, no book—and begin a new one?
It’s overwhelming.
Home was supposed to be easy. I wasn’t the person who would struggle with transition. Not me. This was where friends shared similar interests. Community came easy. And where my closet would embrace me with variety.
Well, I was wrong. I’ve felt so distant.
It’s funny. A year ago, I would have walked miles for Chipotle. I spent hours and reminisced over friends, family, a boyfriend, and basically all food know to man. At moments, there were times I’d give about anything to escape the conflict resolution of team dynamics, or the frustrations of ministry….
Yet now, the struggles of the race have slowly disappeared. And oh how euphoric it has all become.
we’re always going to be wishing aren’t we?
Now, don’t get me wrong, this is an INCREDIBLE place to be. We are so free. And this too, is a place that needs love in all the ways I’ve seen around the world.
I just didn’t expect the battle of contentment to rise within me again.
Contentment, you know, the part of you that doesn’t just embrace your present situations, but fights for triumph and gratitude over the fact battles have happened or currently rage.
Guarding the wellspring of life within you is not easy. And while contentment may not be my strongest suit, or tie, or dress for that matter, I’ve slowly come to realize;
my miles, my life, my hours, my time–
–being back in America, being back home, can NEVER be a battle of considering whether or not I feel useful… or assured of my current situation, or content over my choices.
but the need to ALWAYS consider that, I am not my own. -oswald chambers
There is a blessing of now. A gift of becoming. And a joy unstoppable.
I couldn’t be more thankful for where I am today.
go and do and be world.
and alas, maybe this video can put into life what words can’t. 😉 thank you all for supporting me through this year. oh what a crazy amazing blessing.
I am sooo excited to let you all know that I have decided to join Young Life as part time staff. I love working with middle school and high school students. 🙂 I will be needing to raise support, my commitment is thus far for one year. I’ll see where God takes it from there. If this is something you’d like to consider being a monthly supporter of for me, please send me a message, and we can gladly exchange information.
Thank you all for everything.
