Oh Malawi….
Where to begin.
This past month was insane. One of those times in your life where you don’t quite understand how God was working. Not a whole lot made sense. It didn’t seem to fit in with how I thought things should happen.
I lived in the bush.
Now, what that truly meant, was having feet dirtier than you’ve ever seen in your life. Permanent dirt. Like, your feet look tan, but just kidding, its caked-in-every-crevice dirt. It meant you sleep in a tent that goes through a mini monsoon every afternoon or evening. You walked, you walked to get your water, yes of course, uphill. There’s bugs . Mosquitoes to be exact, where if you slap them, yes, they slap you back (Si quote). Then suck your blood, make your legs swell, and they have this nack for buzzing late at night around your ears…It meant your main source of food was starch. (nshima to be exact, google it, and soya).You had to walk half an hour to get anything, yes, in a chitange dress, because you’re not allowed to show your knees. It meant the craziest awesome church services ever, with women who I’m pretty sure will be the main worshipers in heaven. It meant playing futbol with the village kids and hosting tournaments for them in sandlots covered in trash (part of an awesome ministry called, Living Ball, if you’re interested).
I was a witness of Gods work this past month through crazy experiences. But, this month was anything from a perfect ‘adventure.’ I asked a lot of questions in Malawi, and watched my heart react.
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I saw people starving this month. Bloated stomachs from malnutrition. They didn’t have FOOD.—(alright God, why..? aren’t You supposed to just fix that?)
I saw my friend and teammate spend a lot of her time in pain –(why?…couldn’t he just heal her?)
Now she’s headed home –(WHY??…come on God)
I saw the meaning of the word poverty –(why, God? Why were they born into this kind of life and I was born into mine?)
You know the story: Angels appear to the shepherds and tell them about a baby. No big deal, but hey, ‘He’ll be the Savior of the world.’ Then, three wise dudes travel with presents in a desert looking at a star. A manger, animals, ‘no room at the inn.’ But the craziest thing of all?… Mary didn’t doubt what came to her. Instead she,
“treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart” (Luke 2:19)
Mary didn’t understand all that was happening, but she did trust who He was.
That changed everything.
I know God’s heart breaks, and we live in a broken world. I don’t have all the answers. God doesn’t expect us to understand everything He’s doing. But He extends us this offer, “Come now, let us reason together” (Is 1:18).
I’ve experienced a variety of emotions. And that’s okay. Heck no I don’t understand everything thats happening around me. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But I know this,
I can choose to “doubtfully question, or faithfully ponder.”
Because regardless, He is good, and wants us to know that with all our heart. So Malawi, while I still don’t have all the questions answered, I’ll ponder, and trust, and know that He is love.
(special thank to Zehandi Ministries for an incredible month of ministry in the bush. The hearts of our hosts were beyond amazing. Check out what they’re doing for the kingdom. http://www.zehandi.com/)
