This past season of my life: team leading and now letting go, stepping down and moving back home. It’s scary to say the least. Not allowing myself to realize how scared I actually am until now. Like right now, in this coffee shop. Having literally no plan. No idea what the next step is. Knowing what the Father is asking me to do moving forward and saying yes over and over for weeks now. But now, I’m at the point of doing my yes. Acting in His will. Not even having a choice, really, because I fly out Sunday and I’m not on the flight with the people I love so much. Sunday they’ll check into a different country than me. Their bags will go on a different plane, while I board another plane headed to the states and they fly to Africa.
I haven’t lived in America for a long time. The last time I lived there was about 3 months ago, and I knew I was leaving again. I slept in my bed for somewhere around 5 weeks and didn’t even really unpack my bags. They stayed packed in my room. I saw them everyday and I knew I was leaving again soon. Now it’s really happening. I’m going home. I’m going to live in North Carolina again. I don’t know when I’m leaving again. I don’t know what the “move” is.
He has asked me to sit in a place of awe and wonder of who He is. He is asking me to sit in the dark. In the middle of a field, not knowing who or what’s around me and to just trust Him. He is asking me to lay on my back and look up at the stars He made for me to marvel at. He told me He would shine a light on my next steps but that first I need to wait and rest with Him.
Sitting in awe and wonder sounds pretty dope and fun to me, but that sit and wait in the dark part? Not my favorite. Not something I enjoy doing. Not something I even really know how to do, honestly. But I want to tell Him this, “Bottoms up, I’ll drink the cup you pour for me.” (Steffany says it best in, “The more I seek you” – check that song out for sure) The cup He has poured for you– do you even know what it is? Have you asked the Father what He is doing or wants to do in and through you? This is the cup he has poured for me. The cup of rest. The cup of change. The cup of processing. The cup of refinement. The cup of grieving. A cup I wouldn’t have picked for myself but my Papa knows best. He loves me better then I love myself! I can and I will drink this cup. Not because it’s going to taste great and be my favorite drink, but because it’s a cup of love. I will drink this cup of love You pour for me. His plans are higher. His perspective is broader. His ways are better. I trust Him and His will because He has never let me down and He never will. He has gone before me. He has ordained my steps. He knows what I need. He loves me. I love Him. There is no fear love.
This blog is a real time realization. Right now, in this coffee shop. I’ve been running from my Papa for the past couple days, maybe longer. I’ve been telling myself I wasn’t because I was doing all the “steps”. But when it comes down to it, I have to drink the cup. He’s not going to make me. I get to choose to drink the cup. I get to choose the cup of love He is pouring for me. He just waits to welcome me with open arms. Every. Single. Time. He is so good.
So needless to say, I’m excited. I just want to know His heart and walk with Him every step of the way. I’m excited to sit with Him and rest and spend some time with my family. I’m thankful to be with them this Christmas. I’m excited about cold weather because I haven’t really been in it for the past 2 years (haha weird). I’m excited to cook with my Mamaw and my mom. I’m excited to wake up on Christmas with my little brother. I’m excited to drink hot things and not be sweating profusely. I’m excited to play in the snow with my dad. Wow. So many things I’m blessed with and it’s all because of Him. I’m beyond thankful for you and then fact that your taking your time to read this. I’m thankful for each prayer that has gone before me. I’m thankful for the sacrifice in donations and time from every single person that has played a role in me being able to do this. For being able to pour into, love, and challenge my world-changing peers. Thank you for your obedience! Thank you for praying for my family, travel, and these incredible racers that are continuing onto Africa and just their whole life.
S squad will be flying out this Sunday to Ethiopia. They will be in Africa for 3 months and then Nicaragua for a month and then Costa Rica for the last two months of there race. Please be praying for their travel and ministries in all these places. Pray for their families as they are without them for the holidays. Many of them are still support raising, if you are interested in donating to them you can message me and I will get you that info as well. I will also be flying out this Sunday to head back home to the states. Thank you all again! Would love to meet with anyone and talk about my life, your life, this race, my race, Jesus, dogs, sports, art, ex. Message me! Much love from Cambodia!
