Real talk, recently I’ve felt completely punched in the face over and over again. On the race, we are in a constant state of correction. It feels lonely, painful, exhausting, and honestly pointless because you feel like you’re never doing anything right. Disclaimer, this is not the intention of the World Race at all or the people around me. It comes from the fact that we are always trying to be better, love harder, and look more like Jesus daily. Papa corrects us in love and out of concern because He wants us to be our best and healthiest self.
I’ve let the enemy into this growing process and it has been toxic. I’ve been at the point of why even try? What does it matter because I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never love like they want me too. I’ll never speak right enough. Going through this almost identity crisis of who even am I? What do I want? Why am I the way I am? Just a lot of that in the last month of Thailand and coming into Cambodia.
So while my head has been racing, Papa was working in and through me and the people around me and I didn’t even realize it. My gift of a person, Moriah recently got this dope flower tattoo on the back of her forearm. She wanted a tattoo of flowers but had no meaning yet. So she wasn’t going to get the tattoo until God gave her a meaning. One morning when she was spending time with the Lord, He told her the meaning. The Moriah Bergstrom said, “I was getting really frustrated with growth. Feeling like I was taking two steps forward and then one step back over and over. Jesus told me that He’s only giving me growth because He loves me and He wants the best for me. So He took me to Hebrews 12, where it talks about love and God’s discipline. He would give me growth because He knows my potential. God told me He sees me just like flowers, beautiful and flawless. That He will always be watering me and I will always need to gardened but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t see me as beautiful and flawless the entire time. He knows who I am and He loves me endlessly the whole time I’m growing.”
Such a beautiful example of how the Father sees us because I know I forget all the time. I forget that even when I feel like I’m not enough or I keep screwing up and everyone around me is upset with me, my Father still loves me endlessly and is for me, always. We can actually never let Him down. We can never do anything to make Him love us any less. Crazy enough, but that’s how God’s love truly works. “The thing I love about God is He intentionally guides people into failure. He made us be born as little kids who can’t walk or talk or even use a bathroom correctly. We have to be taught everything. All that learning takes time, and He made us so we are dependent on Him, our parents, and each other. The whole thing is designed so we try again and again until we finally get it right. And the whole time He is endlessly patient.” Love Does by Bob Goff, the book I’m currently reading. (Yeah mom, I read now…)
Now that I’m out of this rough patch over the last month it’s crazy to look back and see how God was pursuing me the entire time, recklessly and endlessly even when I was running from Him. Running from the One who can fix it. Who can love me when no one else can or even know how too, He does and He will if we let Him. “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30) Sometimes it becomes way over complete this thing and it just comes down to love and that’s it. Love
Hebrew 12:5-6 says, “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves.”
Super hyped about some up coming blogs! They have cracked down on the fact that we are supposed to be posting a blog every week so they should be coming at you guys regularly now! Papa has been teaching some dope stuff in the past couple of days and I can’t wait to tell you about it! We are officially underway with our ministry in Cambodia, starting month 5 strong! Thank you so much for the traveling prayers! Continue to pray for fresh strength, passion, and perseverance coming into the second half of the race. We wanna continue to give all we’ve got. You guys are awesome! Much love from Cambodia!
