(If you haven’t already you should read part one of this story. I might be a bit confusing otherwise. Click the link below to read part one.)
http://connorquick.theworldrace.org/post/joy-anger-and-the-beach-a-week-in-lafayette-part-one
The next night our worship session was dedicated to the idols in our life. Not the people who you look up to in this world, but instead the things in our lives that we make more important. Things that keep us from fully dedicating our lives to God.
This hit me hard. In my last blog I talked about 2 Cor 12:9 and the thorn in my flesh that I wished to remove. The thorn was my idol and I knew it was there. At the end of worship we got to meet up with our parishes and have small group discussions about how our day was going and what we were feeling.
When It was my turn I told my group most what I have said above. I painfully confused the hold this idol had on my life, the fear I have of going away for 9 months, my anger with God, and how overwhelming it all felt. It was a very powerful experience and not a single bit of it was joyful, unlike everything else that my fellow missionaries were feeling.
So I went to holy hour again. This time with a pen and paper. I figured that if I was going to be there I might as well be productive and try to write out a blog. So, I started to write about the week. All of my joys, pains, and anger. My blog writing turned into more of a self-analysis and I found myself at something of a climax. Every good story has a good intro to get you hooked, a climax to make your characters feel, to make them hurt and always a conclusion, because every good story has a good ending. So why couldn’t mine.
This was a technique I started using to help me work through time in my life when I was feeling overwhelmed. I am continuously impressed by the efficiency of it. Too often in life are we focused and overwhelmed with so many things that we fail to see the simplistic solution that is right in front of our face. This introspective writing helps me to do just that. It helps me to look past all that I think is the problem and see that what is truly wrong.
So there I sat in an empty church, writing about why I was so mad, and how helpless I felt and there it was, a simple solution. Like any other time before, I found that the problem was in my complete control and was there only because I let it be.
I was still on the same beach because I had not decided to get up and leave yet. God, wasn’t ignoring me, He was waiting for me. He was waiting for me to remove my thorn, to cast away my idol and follow Him wholeheartedly.
The next day I reached out. I had been going to confession for two years and begging for forgiveness over it. Each time I was told to look for help from others and each time I was too ashamed to look for it and I fell right back into the corrupt arms of my idol. I wasn’t going to let the cycle repeat once more so I found help. I found lots of help, people who didn’t judge me for I had judged myself on for so long. I wasn’t alone anymore and I feel more prepared than ever to conquer my idol once and for all.
In case you’re curious the rest of the week was spectacular. I met lots of new people and saw God move in fantastic ways all across Lafayette. From our worksites, to the homeless shelters, the donation center, and the thousands of pounds of sand now bag up God was present in it all.
Oh my gosh the Race is getting closer and closer, and Training Camp is just a few days away. I ask that you pray for me in the coming week for safe travel as well as just the opportunity to have a good time with my squad. I also ask that If you want to donate, yet, that you donate to my squad mates. I was blessed to have such fantastic support from you guys and I just want to be sure that these fantastic young adults also have the same opportunity to live out what God is calling them to do.
If you would like to donate to my squad click the link below to see a list of everyone that is apart of my squad…
https://www.worldrace.org/?tab=participants&group=17G0902
And If you haven’t checked out my last blog you should do that by clicking the link below this:
http://connorquick.theworldrace.org/post/its-been-a-while
