It is no surprise to anyone that COVID-19 has changed almost everything in the world. It has brought all Racers back from the field, it has caused millions to lose their jobs, and forced nearly the entire population to shelter inside worldwide. Corona virus has ravaged the world and flipped lives completely upside by both the destruction of lives and families along with the fear it strikes into the hearts of mankind. My squad and I have now been back in the States for almost two months. Our entire lives were turned upside down and everyday is a constant reminder that I should be in South America, but this virus has seemed to have dropped the South.
I have asked myself countless times why this virus is any different from anything else. Surely, there has to have been something worse. Yet, I was paralyzed all the same. I have hidden in my home completely silent distracting my time with little comforts that will ultimately not satisfy. Binge watching shows and video games as if it were my job. All the while fully believing that this virus has no effect on me and everything will be fine when things go back to normal, but acting out behavior of something extremely different. I never even took the time to fully inform my supporters of this strange period. I would like to say now that I am deeply grateful for your love and support during this journey. The truth is, it is time to stop running from my true responsibilities. It is time to refocus on the mission that God has asked me to partner with Him. Each time I say this I believe it even more, but continue my unhealthy habits.
May 1st at approximately 5:30 pm, my grandfather lost his battle with the virus along with many other health complications. Ultimately, the virus was the straw that broke the camel’s back. In an already unsure time, I lost my grandfather, my mom a step-father, and my grandma a loving husband. Unable to see him, unable to comfort him, and unable to love on him the month leading up to his death we simply hoped for the best, prepared for the worst, and found the strength to pray for His will to be done above our own desires. En easy prayer to say, but extremely difficult for your heart to speak. By the last days, I do believe we all arrived at a peace to say it. This same grandfather I hadn’t seen since the day I left the country back in January. Even though it was 5 months prior and the corona virus was in its early stages, I felt a supernatural knowledge that I was hugging my grandpa for the last time that day. That was the only embrace that truly felt like a “goodbye.” I knew it all along. Yet, when we got the word that he was admitted to the hospital over a month ago for MRSA I asked the same question, why is this any different? This was a man who would be in the hospital at least once a year and he always came back. Why would this be any different? A month ago it wasn’t serious. It was a quick surgery and rehab, but I knew that feeling that we would not hug again was real. It was God’s gift that I could hold him a little longer and tighter and enjoy a Godly man who was the embodiment of genuine kindness and sincerity on this Earth and by faith alone has achieved glory in Heaven now. Thankfully, technology gave me a way to tell him how dearly he is loved and his character has not gone unnoticed.
Then, the call came that he was gone. It transpired just as God had made clear to me back in January, and I heard, “Why is this any different?” The question I had been asking every since the start of this virus, being sent back to the States, and the beginning of my grandfather’s hospitalization was now being asked of me in regards to the faithfulness of God. A God who waited patiently throughout my rebellion which lasted majority of my life. A God who held me tight in the hospital room of my mother when all had seemed destroyed. A God that kept me safe as I drunkenly navigated unknown cities and countries alone in the name of adventure. A God that gave me the knowledge that I needed to appreciate that final hug with my grandpa more than I would’ve otherwise. None of which I asked Him to do and still He remained faithful to me when I actively opposed Him. Now, I invite Him alongside me for all these horrible events transpiring in front of me and I lack trust all the while. You’re right! This shouldn’t be any different. Different event but not severity, and your faithfulness has reigned supreme and ever-present in all other circumstances. Why is this any different? It is a question I ask my heart everyday. For my mind knows that He is sufficient and infinitely faithful in all things but my heart insists on believing otherwise. That my way or the way of the world is better or sufficient even though the record continuously shows otherwise.
It is a daily battle with our flesh. It is a daily sacrifice of our life. Something that I will most likely struggle with for my entire life, but something I am aware of and can work on all the same. I will bring it to Him daily and surrender to Him daily all those that I wish to hold for myself. Whether it be people, possessions, or wealth, I will give it to Him first so that I can do with it as He sees fit rather than the way my sinful heart would handle it.
It is not any different!
