Hi everyone!
My name is Connor McGough and I am a student at Southeast Missouri State University (SEMO) in Cape Girardeau, MO. I will be graduating in two weeks (May 11th) with two Bachelor’s of Science in Business Administration degrees with one focus in International Business and the other in Finance. In other words, I’m about to get the two most expensive pieces of paper in my life! All joking aside, (or most at least) these past four years of college has shown me more challenge, change, heartbreak, joy, and self-betterment than I could’ve ever hoped to experience. It has shaped me into the man I am today, and I would like to share some of these points with you today.
I grew up in two towns in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago, IL. The first was Algonquin, IL where I spent my early childhood and experienced my first sense of tragedy with the separation and divorce of my parents. Strangely enough, this event brought me closer to my extended family who would go on to play an enormous role in my life and the local church that we attended. The divorce was the first instance, that I could recall, of God intervening in my life to humble an extremely proud and entitled child.
Around the time I turned 12, my brother, mother, and I moved to Palatine, IL where I developed most of my bad tendencies. Shortly after moving to Palatine, I began attending our old church, Light of Christ (a Lutheran church), weekly for a confirmation training. This meant that every Wednesday evening for two hours 6th, 7th, and 8th graders would pile into the basement of our church and we would worship, hear a short message, and split into our small groups for Bible study. Although the Gospel was consistently preached at my old church, I did not have the ears to hear or the heart to listen. I felt excluded because I was not cool enough for the “cool” kids and not “churchy” enough for the “church kids”. The truth of the matter is simple; I wasn’t a real Christian. I knew the stories and the right things to say, but I had no desire or want to live the Christian life. “‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'” (Matthew 16:24). Truth be told, I was angry at the hand that God had dealt me and I felt that He did not truly spend the time of day on me let alone care in the first place.
At the end of the confirmation track, all the 8th graders went on a camping trip to be closer with their fellow groups and have alone time with God. At one point, we were told to go and pick our Confirmation verse. It was supposed to be the verse that “God spoke through” in our own lives. It was February in Chicago, so I was freezing on a little park bench in the middle of this campground. I took my Bible, flipped to a random page, curled up into a cozy little cocoon, and started reading. To this day, I couldn’t tell you where I was in the Bible because a few moments later the wind picked up and shuffled through the pages swifter than a cheetah taking down its prey. The wind settled and I shrugged and began reading as if nothing had happened, “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be so there is no use arguing with God about your destiny.” (Ecclesiastes 6:10). In that moment, I forgot about the cold and felt the warmth of God’s presence with me showing that He does care. He does take the time for each and every one of us.
I wish I could say that moment changed my life and I became a Christian, but that was simply the start of a much more complicated journey. In reality, I became a ChrEaster (only go to church on Christmas and Easter) for the remainder of my time in middle school and high school.
Palatine brought me out of shell and showed me just how impactful and irresponsible I could be. In high school, my time was filled with school, partying, and sports. All of which I excelled at. I was hovering around a 4.0 all four years, I was constantly glorified by my peers for the parties I threw, and I was a consistent leader for my Cross Country and Track teams. My family loved me for my grades, my friends and peers loved me for my venue and hospitality, and my team loved me for God-given talent. According to the movies, I had everything and I should be the happiest person alive! But I wasn’t. And I couldn’t figure out why…. “Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place.” (1 Chronicles 16:27).
In the summer before college, I contemplated and prepared for the unspeakable. I couldn’t stand the idea of staying when I had everything and still felt nothing. It wasn’t the fear of losing but merely the fear of never truly obtaining. A good friend of mine confronted me; I showed him the letters and told him my plan and I heard God speak through him to come back to Him. Go home, dust off my cobweb infested Bible, and seek Him. At that point, I heard his plea enough to put aside the dark thoughts, but still refused to pursue Him fully.
I vowed that I would find a church at SEMO and start to make an honest attempt in understanding who this “God guy” truly is. I gave it the good old college try (roughly four weeks) and then proceeded to fall into the same tendencies I developed in high school. However, the Lord chose to surround me with some people that would begin to love me like I had never felt before and share the Gospel with me on a regular basis all outside of the confines of a church!
The middle of my Fall semester my freshman year, I decided to take a nap like every other day, but woke up to a few messages that would change my life forever. I called my aunt and cousin immediately after waking up to hear that my mother had attempted suicide. I made the six hour drive home that evening alongside my buddy from high school (ended up attending the same college) just hoping and praying to a God I didn’t understand that my mother would be alright. Doctors assured us she would live but were uncertain as to any long-term damage she might sustain.
Even though my brother was right beside me, I’ll never forget how hopeless and alone I felt entering that hospital room. I was expecting the worst, hoping for the best, and prepared for neither. The moment I laid eyes on my mom in her hospital bed and heard her heartbeat on the machines I felt those same feelings I felt all those years ago picking out my confirmation verse in the cold. I felt the presence of God beside me and the comfort and love in that moment was the only thing that gave me true joy. When even my own brother’s support failed, God’s did not.
That moment in my life changed me forever. I did not quite yet possess the heart to listen, but I now had the ears to hear. I could now begin to understand the gravity of the Gospel, the wickedness of man, and the necessity for Jesus. I spent the next year questioning, researching, and learning about the God that accompanied me through my darkest times as well as my most gleeful moments. Almost one year after I walked into that hospital room, I walked up to my pastor, asked him for assistance, and gave my life to Christ.
The past two and a half years have been filled with challenges and struggles that have truly tested my faith. God has humbled me in ways I never imagined and shown how much a person can change in a little over two years. I am excited to get the opportunity to continue growing in my faith alongside a few dozen fellow Christians walking down the same path I am headed on.
