Today marks the end of our first week in Nicaragua, our first week on the World Race. Unfortunately, I spent majority of this first week in bed battling a fever, cough, and other cold-like symptoms. So rather than some entirely encouraging story about what was experienced on the mission field this week (don’t worry plenty of those to come later??) I’m gonna take a minute and be vulnerable with y’all.
While I was quarantined to my bunk this week, I came under heavy attack from the enemy. Satan spent a few days feeding me lies about me not belonging on this journey and really stirring my mind into disbelief on my reason to be here.
Yesterday, I went for a walk to talk through some things with a brother and work through some issues with God (specifically with what was going through my head the last couple of days). And that is when it all donned on me at once. I love the idea of being adventurous!
Everywhere I’ve traveled to….well ALMOST everywhere I’ve traveled to, I absolutely love the place! I love the people, the climate, the landscape, the cuisine, the lifestyle, and/or the language. And traveling has helped me grow more as an individual than anything else in my life as well as given me some of my favorite memories and experiences. BUT I’m just never at peace when I’m away. I never feel at home or comfy for all too long and even though I’m always excited to go again I just long to be home.
That realization really shook me to my core especially given the amount of traveling I have done and continue to pursue. It has been a huge part of my identity and my studies for awhile, so it is a bit hard to stomach. Quite honestly, I’m still working through all of this along with my fear of failure, which is completely ridiculous given that our Father only looks at Jesus’ work for our worth beacuse His work is all that ultimately saves us! That is the struggle that God is asking me to address first on my journey so I can better serve him.
I didn’t come to any real peace during that walk, but it definitely helped bring things to the light. When I eventually fell back asleep, God gave me a vision of what life would be like if I were to return early from the race and the negative effects it would bring to not only myself but those around me as well. He reminded me that this thing is bigger than just myself! Sometimes we need to serve when we aren’t at our strongest. It’s a way of building character and obedience in the father. I don’t know exactly how God is going to change me during this year, but I’m excited to find out and love and serve his people all the while!
