Last night we had church at the farm and during the service we broke into small groups and were asked to share a brief version of our testimony (story that describes your life and coming to know Jesus and become a Christian). My group consisted of my teammates, one of the women on the ministry team here in Nicaragua and and 17(about o be 18 :D) -year-old kid.
**I didn’t ask if I could share his story yet so we will call him Antonio for privacy sake**
Something in me knew that it would either me Antonio or myself who would share their testimony. He was hesitant so in the 5 minutes I had I shared my feelings of complete loneliness and unfullfillment prior to be a Christian. I shared my depression and suicidal thoughts as well as God saving me from doing the unthinkable. Finally, I shared the attempted suicide of my mother and how Noone could comfort me or take me out of that dark place I was in except for the loving embrace of God that I felt that day. I gave Antonio the same hope I give you all now; God is Alive and present in all of all of our struggles and worries, “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
After the service ended, Antonio and I talked and he poured out his life and current situation to me. His grandpa was the only person he felt actually understood him. About a year ago, his grandpa passed away and Antonio’s family kept this from him for 17 days before telling him the news. Feeling betrayed by his own family, Antonio was hit hard with depression (clinically diagnosed). He even inflicted self-harm and had thoughts of the unspeakable at times. A few months ago, his parents got divorced. When it happened, Antonio’s father came to him and said that it was all Antonio’s fault that this was happening. Antonio went on to say that he understands and knows that love is from God and is literally everything in life! But, he is just utterly broken inside.
I shared with Antonio the further similarity of our stories (the divorce of my parents). Antonio made it clear that he wanted answers and unfortunately I did not have any sure fire thing to give him. It sucks and it’s gonna be hard but you are NOT alone in this. Even when everyone else fails, God will be there and trust in Him because he will not fail you. He will always be faithful!
Antonio told me on the inside that he didn’t know what to do. He was lost and could not find a way out. A kid with one of the most genuine hearts and a pleasant smile that just makes you feel important, on the inside just wanted to cry for help. The Bible says that we are to be a light in this world. That, as Christians, our duty is to stand above the darkness in this world.
A glow stick does not shine unless you crack it. The more it is broken the more it will shine afterwards. I don’t know what it is that you are struggling through. Maybe you’re like Antonio right now and are just utterly broken. If you are, you have a choice to make. One is a path toward repentance of sins and acceptance of christ as your savior to be received as a rightful son or daughter in the eyes of God. This road leads to healing, love, and acceptance. And afterwards, your light will shine out the darkness of the world. The other road is one that does not have true healing. It has fleeting moments that ultimately fail you, and while some moments will feel like your on a mountaintop, there is the time alone where you will feel like you’re in the deepest darkest trench.
I encourage you to choose the first road! Follow the lead of Antonio and begin the healing process! It is going to hurt and it will be a struggle and there will be times you want to quit, but it is worth it! And Jesus is always enough!
