Disclaimer: I’ve never read the book. (Sorry supporters of Jane Austen).
This blog is about something else entirely, though if it bears some resemblance to the book, then it is without my knowing and without intention – because I have not the slightest clue as to even what the sparknotes version summarizes.
China, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Azerbaijan (and all the other countries I’ve learnt how to spell with indescribable certainty), far exceed my expectations and are not what I supposed them to be. We were able to do good things in these countries when I was with Team Fellowship of the King.
PVT (Parent Vision Trip) in Tbilisi, Georgia (not the state, but the nation) was a much needed time to see my parents again, and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. Rich, illustrious foods were simply the creme of the cake next to eating it with my parents who I have not seen in over 220+/- days. I highly recommend Kazakhstan (Almaty and Astana) and Georgia for anyone who is seeking an obscure place to vacation.
Upon a ferry ride across the Caspian…well. Okay. We were on board a freighter bound for Baku and hopped on board in cabins; so “ferry” might be hyperbole. It took us a day to see the coast of Azerbaijan, but we ended staying out at sea for three more days waiting for a dock to open up. But it was an incredible time.
On board I got news I would step down as team lead for the last few months on the race. New teams were then established in Baku, Azerbaijan (a city much like a mixture of Paris/London/Vienna), and I’m on a team of half women and half men, so we are endearingly known as Team Half&Half.
Prior to the team switch, I was thinking much about these last precious moments I have traveling before I come home; how much I will miss the little things. I try not to think too much about it though, but often find myself dwelling in them.
And so this brings me to the title of my blog, similar to all my blogs to you in the past. I’ve arrived in Turkey (a beautiful country, and yes, I am safe) and am having an absolute blast. We have come to a pr.a.yer house where we have praise, worship, and devotional time for about four hours a day. Yes. Four hours.
At first, my thoughts were ecstatic, as I have not done anything close to this at all, and my life could, and needs, this type of growth. Each day changes on what we pr.ay for, for instance we pr.ay on Tuesday for the Syrian crisis, on Wednesday we focused on the Middle East, Thursday: Turkey, and Friday: the persecuted chu.rch and our own families back home. But it is physically exhausting and doesn’t feel like I’m doing much in this country in comparison to what I’ve done in the past. Nothing tangible. Nothing concrete. So I began to falter in my mind and began to wander as it became a routine this past week. Routine had become meaningless words full of sound without substance. Pointing the finger at God and telling Him to do his job while ceding nothing of my own became routine. “Why aren’t you moving? Why haven’t I seen you move?” I ask.
Pride. Pride exists in many forms and can easily ensnare without my exertion on its own part. It seeped its way into my skin.
During the devotional time I was reading through Job and was reminded of the words of Elihu and God as they both corrected Job in his partly faulty thinking. Can mankind understand the ways in which God works? Certainly not. Is it frustrating? To me, yes. But that is not what he requires of me.
He asks for something quite simple, yet not easily rendered: my undivided devotion. Do I trust Him? That is the primary question that we all must answer. It may not always feel like a sure thing to do, but if this year (and yes, His Word) is any indication of His unbridled devotion towards me, then how can I do anything but fully, whole-heartedly trust in Him? Can I do it even when it feels like I am “unproductive.” Then, I’m reminded, who is the one who produces things? Can I make anything grow on my own. Certainly not.
“Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the holy one is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10.
My encouragement to you all who read this is to consider in what ways pride has built up in your own life, even in subtle ways, and to remove it. To quote Frederick Douglass, “Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did, and it never will.”
