This post will not be short and to the point.
I haven't told but a few people of this, because at the time I didnt think it important, but a few weeks ago I received a comment from an anonymous reader. It was never visible on my page, the person deleted it just after they posted it (but the comment went to my email). Instead of encouragement, it was the exact opposite. He or she called me and the rest of my team hypocrites, along with every other Christian in the world. This person also accused me of things I have admittedly been guilty of in the past, but also exaggerated some other shortcomings.
With explicit language and a "creative" vocabulary, this person expressed their feelings of displeasure for me and my faith, and the Book its truths are found in. As if this weren't enough, this person encouraged me to "make the world a better place by…"
Harsh? Yes. And the brave (anonymous) soul who wrote them spilled out his or her brutally honest feelings and opinions. And as much as I just wanted to ignore these words and "shake the dust," it wouldnt leave me alone. You know why?
Its because this person is absolutely right. I am a hypocrite. I am a liar. I am a phony. I am impure. I lust. I am full of my own selfish pride. I have made countless and countless mistakes which do not reflect Christ in any way shape or form. I have willingly and knowingly committed sin after sin after sin. I am guilty. I do not deserve any credit for any good work I have ever done, and I sure as hell (that's a statement in my "sureness" that hell exists, fyi) dont deserve His forgiveness. I deserve the exact opposite. His condemnation. His justice. His wrath…
But somehow, for some reason, God saw fit that Christ should die for the ungodly (Romans 5:6). And I, probably one of the more ungodly people I know (and apparently our anonymous commentor as well), find myself inexplicably in the love of God. I dont get it, I will never understand it, and its a complete mystery to me.
What confuses me even more, and honestly ticks me off more than anything, is that I know what Christ has done for me, I know the sacrifice He gave, but yet I still sin. Every day. Every hour. Every minute maybe. A selfish thought. A white lie. A snide remark about another person. And yes, in the past even the "big sins."
I havent always made war against it in the past, but more and more recently I have wanted to. This person's comments, however offensive and defaming to my Savior as they were, as much as my conscious says to ignore and move on…I actually want to THANK this person.
So, whoever you are, if you are obsessed with hating me and my faith as much as your comments suggest, you might be reading this right now. If you are, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for the reminder, and making me more and more conscious of my sin and the weight it carries. I would guess your words were meant to discourge, but hear me when I say they have done more encouraging than you can imagine. They make me hate sin more. They make me want to fight it more. They make me want to read longer, pray bigger, dig deeper, love stronger and PREACH HARDER.
You are probably right. I dont deserve this amazing opportunity to serve on this mission trip. And you know, after getting to know some of my team, I think most of them would agree with me when I say none of us deserve it. We are all guilty. All blemished. All hypocrites. But at the same time, we are forgiven. Jesus bled for us.
Christianity is not about what I've done "good" or what Ive done "bad." Its not about what i do, its about what He did. And I know Ive failed at representing that so many times, but by the grace of God im still here, and He is constantly patient with me.
So again, I say thanks. Thanks for convicting me, for challenging me, and for motivating me. Thanks for making me a "better" Christian.
"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." -Isoroku Yamamoto (December 7, 1941)
