I wrote this prayer out at training camp and am still praying it, I would love if you could join me in prayer that I would learn to be 110% dependent on God over these next nine months. I know it will be a process, but I know it will be worth every moment that I struggle. This is very personal from my journal, but I’m trying to take a step closer to vulnerability. So here it is..
Dear Papa,
I pray, God, put me in a valley. Put me in a ditch. Put me back to the dirt that I was made from, Lord. Show me your way. Make me a disciple. I feel as though I haven’t suffered enough for you. I want you to allow me to break, Lord. I’m obviously sooo thankful for all that you have given me and blessed me with, but Lord, give me hardship. This way I can lift my head from the valley to look up to you, arms open wide, Abba. I pray you would allow bad things, but only so you could use them to bring glory, honor, and fame to your name, God. I beg this of you, I feel as if I need to be so broken, so I be whole solely in you, God. WRECK ME, GOD! I need a heart transplant, show me your will. God, I pray I would hear you, teach me to listen to the Holy Spirit and go do what it prompts me to do. God, give me your heart, your eyes, your ears Lord. Transform me into a new creation made by you, Lord. Please God, please, humble me, make me feel small so I can feel your mighty, big presence, I love you, Lord. Help me to want you, I want to have a fire inside of me that is contagious, I want it to be so strong that I can’t help, but share about you. Use my squad mates, and teammates to push/shove (which ever is necessary) me closer and closer to you every single day, Lord. People always say “be careful what you pray for” and I know it will be hard and I do understand what I’m asking for. Ultimately I’m praying for you to draw me in so close to you God! I want to be fully abiding in your great name! I want to chase after you harder than ever before, I want to be a women after your own heart, I want my desires and passions to all point directly to you and your never ending love. Show me what I still need to give up for you, Lord. If it is comfort, so be it. If it’s my relationships so so be it. If it’s my family…so be it. I love you Lord. Transform me! Thank you for everything!
Love your daughter,
Colleen
