Trauma and trials test what you truly believe. You simply cannot fake courage and bravery. They're born from within, planted in whatever foundation you're standing upon. It's not grown in a moment but a reflection of the faith you possess.
And it's God who makes you brave.
A few weeks ago, a white Toyota Camry nearly struck our tuk tuk head on shortly after midnight as we returned home from a girl's day in the city. We enjoyed coffee, shopping, mani-pedis and a Disney film earlier that day. I loved everything about our time together and a smile reflected that joy as I felt the evening breeze dance across my face as we headed home.
That's when two headlights etched themselves in my memory as everything around me stood still. Those two lights pierced through the darkness, entering my life without invitation. My mind attempted to take in all the movement and emotion, but instead, I drew a blank; I sat in silence as the Camry jerked away from our tuk tuk, scraping the left side of our transportation.
After the eternity of those few seconds passed, I re-entered reality. Noise flooded my senses; air filled my lungs once again. The moment of truth arrived: where did my trust lie?
The five of us in the tuk tuk gripped one another as we drove the remaining distance home, comforting one another with hugs and prayers. No other words seemed fitting to speak out so, for the first time in my life, I prayed in tongues in front of others unabashedly.
I never appreciated solid ground more than when I departed that tuk tuk, using the curled over foot step to exit. It was only then that I noticed that I was shaking.
We made our way upstairs to the kitchen of our Cambodian home only to collapse in prayer and tears. We allowed ourselves to sit in the reality of what occurred, to begin feeling what our hearts had been screaming since that vehicle headed toward our tuk tuk. It's in times like those when tears speak louder than words ever could.
I must admit, the struggle is real. This month in Cambodia has been a full assault of hell against our B squad family. I've personally felt the enemy trying to stir up fear each time I enter a motor vehicle. I feel exposed and vulnerable, completely out of control. Yet, in he midst of everything, God beckons me to draw close, to allow Him to embrace me.
I'm witnessing more of who I truly am emerge; I'm realizing that bravery isn't experiencing no fear but rather living fully despite the fear. "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor 12:10) is no longer words printed upon a page .. It's real life.
And it's God who makes me brave.
