Training camp shook me up. And this was the result: this is where you envision shaking up a liter of soda and letting it loose in a wild, fun explosion.
I’m completely undone. I had a challenging time even putting words to what I experienced these past two weeks with training camp and my grandfather passing away last Sunday. I felt out of sorts and aloof, uncomfortable that I couldn’t quite describe what was going on within my heart.
And these emotions had nothing to do with living in a tent or laying upon a pumped up sleeping pad; waking up to a rowdy rooster who couldn’t tell that the sun hadn’t yet risen when he crowed; eating different continental cuisines and seeing pictures while exclaiming, “do I really look that thin? Where’d I go?”; wearing the same outfit three days in a row because it was easier than changing; or not having the slightest idea what the day held for us because no schedule existed (at least for us) …
But, rather, it had everything to do with abandoning all for the sake of the gospel and knowing Christ more intimately.
“And [Jesus] said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will” (Mark 14:36).
Papa revealed that I’m grieving my imaginations of the Race. I’m mourning that what I dreamed up about this coming year isn’t what Daddy planned for me. I’m sorrowful for the loss of fanciful expectations that I didn’t realize I had until they weren’t met.
But I have a choice, in the same way Jesus did in the garden of Gethsemane: to surrender and yield to God’s heart for me or to stand in defiance, demanding my way.
Nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will. And Papa’s will is so much better than my own.
This is reality. I didn’t sign up for the Race to travel the world and meet people across the globe, to share community with other passionate kids my age or to share the gospel, as glorious as each one of those are. I submitted to Holy Spirit and opened my heart for Papa to make me more like Jesus. And everything that happened these past two weeks molded me and will continue to shape me to look more like Jesus.
Each aspect of this journey, therefore, puts me in a position to say “yes” to Jesus so he can have his way in my life. The nations I journey to; the beautiful people I meet along the way; the squad and team I love and serve with; the lifestyle of flexibility and living out of a backpack .. All of these draw me closer to Christ because he is good and only has what’s best for me.
For that, I’m honored and boldly declare, “shake what can be shaken!” I want to be more like Jesus.
“Now this, ‘Yet once more,’ indicates removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain” (Hebrews 12:27).
