”Is this something God has called me to, or is this something I want so bad that I can’t actually hear God’s voice”
This is something I’ve been asking myself since this past Saturday. Before Saturday I was SURE, sure I tell you that this is the calling God has placed on my life for this next season. But you see this past Saturday was my Krav Maga (Israeli Combative’s & Self Defense) Level 1, 5-6 hour physical test. I was very nervous about this test because, lets face it, 6 hours of non-stop intense physical movement can sound pretty daunting. I was SO nervous about it that I even entertained the thought of not going (but that was brief). When I woke Saturday morning, still nervous, I prayed “Lord I will not be a coward just give me the strength to at least give it my all, 100%”. And surprisingly in that same moment I grew extremely excited for the test and for the day that was ahead. I got to the test site, walked into the room with my other teammates from my dojo and saw some other familiar faces from the other dojo’s and felt their own nervousness too and knowing the fact that this is something we’ve all been training hard for a long time and is something we wanted SO very bad, was somehow very comforting. Before we started we had to pair up with someone that would be our partner for the day, naturally I wanted to go with someone familiar and who I knew would push me, but every time I got to someone like that this “annoying” woman would pop in front of them and ask if I wanted to be her partner. The first time I directed her to someone that I thought would be more “suitable” for her, but by the time she got to that person they had already teamed up with somebody else, then back to me she came, and in my mind I was like “I know I should just be her partner” but was also like “God, this is not who I need” (or who I thought I needed). This happened another 2 times then finally somehow against my will she became my partner for the day. Little did I know that this was just the person I needed to keep me going. I thought that I needed someone with my kind of energy to keep pushing me for the day in order to get through it. But found out that I actually needed to carry my very HIGH energy into someone else. Also my energy level stayed the same from the time I started to the time I finished, it even actually increased as the day went on. I was able to mentally focus on the task in front of me not looking behind or too far ahead thinking about how much longer this would take or how tired I felt. I knew at the end of the day that I had not cheated myself but had given it 100% the whole test. I was very happy with the day and everybody’s energy was great. I love the people at my dojo and the relationships I have formed there. Now I still don’t know if I passed, we won’t know for 10 days to a month. But after the day was done I knew that I had given it my all. I was one of the last people to leave, and before I left the tester, sensei, and owner pulled me aside and asked me it I would want to or be interested in taking the rest of the level 1 test in Maryland (you’re tested for a week in Maryland and if you pass you get certified to teach level 1), and also asked if I’d want to come back to his dojo in Old Saybrook (I train at the East Lyme dojo, this family owns 5-6) and take some of his classes because he would like to see me train and there were some ladies asking about me. I told him yes I would.
So you see here’s my dilemma I LOVE Krav Maga and can see a future with this dojo doing something that I really enjoy and believe in. But if I go on this missions trip and am away for a year, yes, I could come back and still do this but I might have a totally different heart. Now with that said, hmm, my heart motives for leaving this trip behind are pretty selfish. If Krav is something God wants me to do then it will still happen when I get back. Yes I am going to take that next part of the Krav test and continue to be involved in it, but yes I am also going to keep pursuing whole heartedly the World Race because with that statement I have perfect peace. 🙂
(“We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God’s purpose prevails”)
And this is the truth, I have confidence that the World Race is exactly what God has called me to and I’m not running from it any longer! I pray this too for the Race “Lord I will not be a coward just give me the strength to give it my all, 100%”.
Besides….. 😀
