It’s funny how one word can shake me up….how one word can pin point what I could try to explain with a thousand. I was talking to a friend today about what I have been experiencing here in the Philippines and as I described what I was going through and learning, she said the word undone.
I’ve never experienced so much heartache and so much joy simultaneously. I have come to a point where I really love what God is doing to me. He has me where He wants me…and He wants me undone.
I have been praying for brokenness. I don’t even know what I mean by that prayer. All I know is that there are things about me, the way I think, the way I see the world, the way I am…that do not line up with who I want to be, and who I believe God has made me to be. So, I pray….Lord, break me.
My whole life I have wrestled over this question: “Why am I here?” This question creeps up in good times and difficult times. Sometimes related to feelings of frustration with my circumstances, and sometimes just wondering why we, as people, were created. Why are some children born into poverty and some born into wealth? Why do some people live to 104 years old, and some die at one month old? Why do some people grow up in the same house with both parents their whole lives, while some people deal with broken families and transition for the rest of their lives? The list goes on…but each question begins with why?
What is this life? How much time do I have on earth? Who will I lose next in my life? These may sound like depressing thoughts, but I am seeing the root of the issue: trusting God.
This may sound like a simplistic answer…but it is turning my life upside down and inside out. Lately I am daily faced with the question: “Do you trust God?” I walk through these streets and start to hurt….and I hear: “Do you trust me?”…..I go to school and see children from abusive homes and I start to get angry, and I hear “Do you trust Me?” I spend so much time with my team mates and talk about things I have never talked to anyone about…and as I start to fear letting people get to know me this well, I hear God saying: “Do you trust me?” It’s so easy for me to tell people to trust God and let Him take over their life….but am I trusting Him? Am I letting Him take over my life? Lord, please take over…is what my heart cries out these days. He is stretching me in every direction…and although it hurts, I am loving it. I prayed for brokenness, and that is what He is doing. Through this pain, I am experiencing a joy that I have never had before.
I looked up the word undone in the dictionary….here is what I found:
-incomplete
-to unfasten by releasing
-to throw into confusion
-to untie
-to reverse
Each of these definitions describes what the Lord is doing. My favorite of these definitions is: to unfasten by releasing. This is what I see God doing in my life, and I pray that it will continue. He is unfastening me from my junk and all I hold onto, and releasing me into His joy. I am so thankful for what He is doing, and all He has allowed me to see…I cannot say it enough.
No apologies for
who I’m meant to be
The only thing that matters is
I am free
When I am overwhelmed
Holding pieces of my heart
When I feel my world
Start to fall apart
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I’ve become
Undone
Even in defeat
The face of tragedy
Still you’d have to say that
I found victory
In brokenness comes beauty
Divine fragility
Reminding me of nail scarred hands
Reaching out for me
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I’ve become
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I’ve become
Undone
Hallelujah I’m undone!
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I’ve become
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I’ve become
Undone
To the cross I run
To be what I’ve become
And I’m undone
Lyrics from: Undone by Mercy Me
