Lord,
I thank you for this day. I thank you for our time at the hospital. I felt emotionally drained today…Lord, I pray that you would strengthen me. Give me strength tomorrow. My heart broke today. I cannot believe people live like this. They are so starved of affection and love. It is so hard to see girls my age living like vegetables. Lord….why? Why do they have to live like this? As I walk through the hospital halls…all I hear is your still-small voice asking, “Do you trust Me?” It´s a hard question to swallow. Lord, for years I have prayed for my heart to break for the things that break Your heart….and here I am, face-to-face with it…and I am tempted to despair and doubt Your goodness. I repent of this Lord…and I answer “yes” to Your question. I trust You. You are good and I love You. You love these people…they are Your children and You have not forgotten them. They are beautiful. You are with them. Your presence is in this hospital. Thank You Lord…I love you….
This is an exerpt from my journal last night…I am currently in Antigua, Guatamala for 12 days. A group of seven girls are staying here and volunteering at a Catholic Hospital for disabled people of all ages. There are over 200 residents of this hospital, and their disabilites range from being bed-ridden, mal-nourished, mentally ill, mentally disabled….the list goes on. In Guatamalan society, it is majorly looked down upon to have a child who is mentally or physically handicap. Many parents abandon their handicap children, or fail to take care of them and let them die. This hospital takes in the children (and adults) and takes care of them. There are so many residents and not enough care-takers, so many of them are in bed all day, without people interacting with them…let alone loving on them and being their friend. We are thankful for the opportunity to be here, to spend time with these amazing people, and we pray that through this, they will experience the love of Christ.
Although we are only here for a short time, and this is only my second day in the hospital…I can already see how it is changing me. I am spending time with a percentage of the population who are forgotten. The more parts of the world God shows me, the more I am realizing how much denial I have been living in. It´s so easy to turn away and not acknowledge the parts of the world that hurt to see, the people who make me uncomfortable, the areas I don´t want to believe really exist. And here I am, in the middle of it, and I am faced with a choice. When I walk into this hospital, I can either shut off my emotions and be numb, or open up my heart and experience where the Lord has brought me. It´s so tempting to shut down when I am afraid of pain…a pattern I have noticed throughout my life. But as I look into the eyes of these girls, I can´t shut down. God is breaking my heart for these people, and it is the answer to prayers I have prayed for years. When I trust Him, and open up my heart…it is there that I find true joy and faith.
Lord, bless this hospital and shower the people inside with Your love and grace.
