I have been at training camp for over a week now and it’s already difficult to try to sum up everything I have been learning and experiencing. Training has been busy and intense, while also allowing time for processing and being alone. I have had so many good times with my team and times where I have been stretched emotionally and physically. We have done team builders, camp outs, obstacle courses, seminars, meals together, prayer, long talks, lots of laughs, and chunks of time designated to be alone with God. Through all of this, I am learning a lot about myself and about God.
In the past few years (especially this past year), I have desired change in my life, but I could never pin-point what specifically I wanted to be different. God is using this time to not only show me, but also break me of the things that keep me from Him. Let me explain…back in high school at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting, my friend Mike shared what God was doing in his life. The whole “relationship with God” thing was new to me at that point, and what Mike shared that morning has stuck with me all these years. He expressed a deep desire to know God better in a more personal way; he talked about a desire to not just talk the talk and take part in all the “Christian things,” but to really dig deep with God and know Him. Mike read the verse: “Be still and know that I am God.” He then went on to challenge us by saying “What if at some point everyday, we turned off our music, TV’s, phones, etc, went somewhere by ourselves and were
still, knowing that we are with God and He is all we need?” These words echo in my mind often because my heart has been yearning for this type of relationship with God for so long.
…which brings me back to this week…
Some of the quesions running through my mind this week have been:
-Why have I been so afraid of silence?
-What am I running from? What am I running to?
-Is it possible for me to have the kind of deep relationship with God that Mike challenged me on years ago?
-Is there more to life than this?
I am seeing all the ways I distract myself from being alone with the Lord, and how it starves me from a lot of the joy and fulfillment He offers. I am so thankful He is showing me these things because I am already growing to love silence, being alone with God, and pushing aside my distractions and noise. I clearly don’t have this all figured out, but I do know that I am growing closer to God and love Him more than I ever have. I pray that this would continue for the rest of my life. I am really excited for what God is going to do this year, and I believe He is preparing me for something big. It is scary and amazing to jump into something like this because I am weak, over-emotional, and often times a sissy…but I do believe that in my weakness the Lord is strong. I am beginning to better understand what Paul was writing to the Corinthians when he states: “I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God (1Cor. 2:3-5).” Lord, I thank you for being my strength and for everything you are showing me and teaching me. I thank you for this opportunity you have given me and I ask that you would reveal your love to the world through weak sinners like me. Amen.
