As night moves in, so does the solitude.
The impending doom of being alone with my thoughts.
One way to break through it.
Sit with it. Pray. Sit some more.
For time does not heal but God heals in time.
As this hemisphere grows quiet, my mind grows louder.
“I felt like I always had to prove myself to you.”
Those words cut deep with truth.
Trust me, I am all too aware of their reality.
But pain brings about a breeding ground for change.
For when I am in pain, is the only time I seem to be motivated.
It’s dark but it seems to be the way God made me.
He doesn’t make mistakes.
To say I accept it, would be false.
But more accepting than I have ever been; progress this is.
I am not alone for God is always with me but how I long for a hug.
I get plenty but never satisfied.
Even if the hug was given that I think I want, would it be enough?
It wouldn’t be.
So I stay immersed in this process.
This process of life.
I used to retreat at the sign of danger but today, I move forward.
Scars from the past, I have plenty; do you want to show me yours?
Or like me, does the fear of rejection run rampant in your heart?
I didn’t sign up for war but I’m convinced I am in one.
Something wants to pull me down but my lifeguard walks on water.
I will not drown, He will not let that happen.
But my ship seems to be full of water.
The storm inside rages on but my lifeguard walks on water.
Peter walked on water, so why can’t I?
I guess it doesn’t matter, because my lifeguard walks on water.
I will not bow to the waves and the rain because my lifeguard controls the weather.
His name is peace and He made His home inside me.
But constantly, I try to swim out to sea as my lifeguard walks on water.
I think I’m reaching out but His life vest, I am a pro at rejecting.
The storm will pass. The waves will rest and soon, I’ll be walking on water.
But until that day, I’ll just keep swimming, for I am the clay and He is the potter
