This is another long overdue post to follow up the previous long overdue post. Bear with me, I promise I’ll get caught up soon.
Five years ago, I went to an orphanage in Mexico City for the second time. The first was a weeklong, short term mission trip that I didn’t really want to go on in the first place. God had a purpose though, and I fell in love with the place and decided to go back for a full summer two years later. My church sponsored both trips. They encouraged me to return for the summer internship, and a couple generous people paid my way to make it happen. I thought fundraising would be the hard part, but it was done within days of the announcement that I made one Sunday morning in front of my church. The hard part, it turned out, was getting people to care about what I was doing.
One of the suggestions that the organization had for its interns was to get together a group of people that would actively check in on me, pray for me, and receive periodic email updates from me while I was gone for three months. The people that funded me were the first on my list, but after that the process became one that felt like pulling teeth. No one seemed interested in that level of commitment, and getting anyone’s email address to even just receive my updates felt like a chore. I was pretty discouraged before I ever left.
By the time I left, I had a group of twenty or so people that had been willing to be on my list and pray for me throughout the summer. The problem was, that didn’t translate into action. During my three months in Mexico, on a trip sponsored by my church, only one person from my email list ever responded to my updates. No one other that a couple friends stayed in touch with me, or reached out to see how I was doing. I loved the work that I was doing, and I loved the kids I got to live with and minister to, but I was lonely. It was a hard summer, and by the time it was over I had mixed emotions about coming home.
Fast forward four years. I got accepted to go on the World Race, and to make that a reality I had to raise almost twenty thousand dollars. To many that might have sounded intimidating, but throughout most of the process of getting ready to launch, my main concern was not the money, but a repeat of what happened that summer in Mexico. I didn’t want to become disconnected. I didn’t want my friends and my donors to forget that I existed because I left the country for a year. I didn’t want to be physically surrounded by a wonderful community and feel more loved and supported by them that the people that I had known for years back home. I didn’t want to be lonely again.
My expectations were pretty low when I left last January, if I’m being honest. I didn’t really think that most people back home cared about what I was doing enough to check in on me and follow my journey through my updates. However, over the last eight months, I’ve been proven wrong in the best way. The people that regularly check in with me and stay in touch have been the biggest blessing, and even those that don’t check in but just read and post encouraging comments on my updates are just as needed. During this weird season over the last few months where I’ve been quiet, people have reached out to both me and my parents asking where I’ve been, what I’ve been up to and how I’ve been doing. People have missed me. And as narcissistic as this might sound, I love it. It shows me that people care in a way I never thought they would. That’s what’s kept me going during this time where I’ve felt like I’m just spinning my wheels and not accomplishing much.
And then a few weeks ago I word vomited all of my feelings onto all of you. I told you that I felt burnt out, and tired, and sad, and unnecessary. I told you I was in a rut and working my way out, and I apologized for not staying in touch and going into hiding. I cannot express how much your kind words meant to me in response to that. Reading through your comments on that post was exactly what I needed during that time, and a large part of what has helped me get out of the weird funk I was in. I’m sorry that I didn’t respond to any of those comments, but consider this my public response: THANK YOU. Thank you for not giving up on me and not forgetting about me. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for reaching out and checking in and letting me know that you care. The Race is hard. Sometimes I want to give up. But you keep me going, and I honestly don’t feel like I have the right words to tell you how grateful I am for each and every one of you. I still have three months of this wild ride left, and I’m gonna need as much support as I can get.
Again, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much. I promise, I have more coming in the next couple weeks. I want to get caught up again, because so much has been happening, even in this rut I’ve been in. God is still working.
Thank you all again. God bless you.
