I have been home for almost one week and have sat down to write this blog every single day for the past seven days but could not seem to find the words. Training camp was full of joy, I learned a lot, it hurt and old wounds were brought to the table in which I grew a lot, and there was SO MUCH REDEMPTION. I have continued to think about how much I learned and how I needed to sit down with my notes to include every little thing, but instead, I am going to share with you the greatest lesson I learned in my 10 days and then include the other things as I am on the field and they happen. Sound good?
The first few days and nights, as our squad and teams became more and more vulnerable, people opened up about how overwhelmed they had been- as they had a right to be. Meeting the people you will live with for nine months, sleeping in a tent with centipedes and granddaddy longlegs + an occasional 5-foot snake, taking a shower out of a bucket, using porta potties right before eating with your hands, not to mention hours worth of information being thrown at you. All helpful, all necessary, all GOOD things (minus the critters), but being overwhelmed was normal in this case. However, in my case, I felt at peace with where I was. I felt as though I knew I was called to be there- BUT, what I didn’t feel was like Jesus was super close to me and like I was walking with Him, hand in hand. & ideally, at a place and in a situation like that, I would have preferred to feel that way.
Every single night, we worshipped through singing for almost an hour and a half. It was such a blessing to be able to sit or stand or pace and just REST in Jesus after a day that was full and at times chaotic. People would come up on stage and share what Jesus was speaking to them through that and one of the staff members of Adventures in Missions came up and shared a word that I will never forget because it is true in my relationship with Jesus and with every future relationship I have and it is this:
In marriage, the honeymoon stage ends. At some point, it is bound to die down and things are going to get hard and they will not be as light and fluffy. BUT- because you made a commitment to each other, no matter how hard it is to “feel” that emotion that we all seek, the love and desire to love is still there. IT IS A CHOICE, NOT A FEELING. You may not can see it through actions or hear it in literal words, but the commitment is enough. Just like in an earthly relationship, the same goes for our walk with Jesus and our relationship with him. Just because we don’t feeeeel like He is near or like things are light and fluffy, He has made a COMMITMENT to you and I and that is to love us and walk with us through all of our days. As much as love is associated with a feeling, LOVE. IS. A. CHOICE.
From now on, I will forever see my relationship with Jesus in a different light. I have to CHOOSE to take up my cross daily. I have to CHOOSE to spend time in the Word or to pray. I have to CHOOSE to love and serve people in a way that honors Jesus. So, I hope you will do the same.
Just a sweet update on launch- S I X weeks from today, September 6th, I will be heading to ATL to say goodbye to my family and to hop on a plane to South Africa. Please keep praying!!!! Thank you, friends and family. Please reach out if you have any questions/concerns/comments.
