This is Steven. He works at a local ministry called, “Agape Rehab.” At the center, Steven organizes times for the men to come together in worship and daily devotions to focus on the truth of the gospel and the freedom it brings. Every man at the Rehab center is struggling to get clean from drugs or alcohol. My time spent with Steven and the other men at the center was perhaps my favorite ministry of the race so far.
Here’s why.
I have heard of the honesty that exists in the communities of Rehab or other groups like AA but have never actually had the chance to see it for myself. What struck me in having conversations with these men was the level of genuine brokenness that each man had come to terms with. Each individual had faced up to the hard truth that they are powerless to fight addiction. That in and of themselves there is nothing that can break them free from the chains of sin. There were no fancy religious games. No one pretended to be something they were not. They were broken together and through their weakness they let God show Himself strong.
What a conviction burns in my heart after having talked with these men! One of the men asked me, “Why do we come to rehab to find the honesty the church should have?” That question has rung in my ears since that day and I can’t help but ask the same. To quote Francis Spufford, “We’re the league of the guilty, after all, not the league of the shortly-to-become-good. We are a work in progress. We will always be a work in progress. We will always fail, and it will always matter.” Christ is not a jobless redeemer these days. His redeeming days were not concluded with the words, “It is Finished,” but rather immortalized in the Commission. He has not stopped redeeming me yet. He has not stopped redeeming His chosen yet. I think of the old hymns when I want to be re-centered on the saving power of Christ. Jesus did pay it all and I owe Him my every breathe, but I am not sinless as my Redeemer was. Though I have victory in Christ, I am not unscathed by the war against the flesh. The fact of the matter is that I struggle with sin in a daily way. I wrestle with porn and my battle against lust persists. I am not consumed with a passion for the lost. I am a liar. I am a thief. I judge and condemn when it has never been my place to do so. I hate. I am jealous. I AM broken. I can’t help but be distraught at the way I view Christ as the one-and-done Redeemer of my life and not the Restorer that makes me new each day. I have not been open with my hurt. Why is it that I feel satisfied in sharing prayer requests and the troubles in my life yet often refuse to share the wounds that cripple me? I am ashamed of the way I share in a past tense manner as though what I wrestle with now is not yet presentable to my brothers and sisters. Oh, the polluting poison of pride! When will I drop my image and kill my concern with cultivating a good Christian reputation? Was David a great man because he did great things or because through his weakness God did great things? No. I dont want to walk around as a man beaten by the circumstances of life. Honestly, my life has not been hard at all compared to others anyways. I have grown up in one of the richest places the world has ever known both financially and spiritually. I have a family who loves and supports me, friends who are there for me, and a community that spurs me on in Christ. I am convinced that of all people’s I have the most to be thankful for! I would not dare to sulk over the ways I am broken and so defame the name of He who payed it all. However, I refuse to live as a Pharisee. I will not stand as one who has it all together because I don’t and never will.
*My Savior, my God… I want to embrace my weakness so I can experience your strength! Do I truly believe the Apostle when he wrote that Your power is made perfect in weakness? You called me to take up my cross and then follow You, but I fear I left it back at the place you saved me all those years ago. The cross… that which symbolizes your grace and my insufficiencies. I will glory in the power of the cross and count for loss that which I might have gained by showing my health only and not my hurt. Man of Sorrows, I will rejoice in Your redeeming work and testify to Your goodness by being openly broken.
It was in talking with the men at the Center that I began to clearly see why the Father led me out here. God has taught me so much. He has made me brave. He has broken my heart for the lost. He has taught me leadership, worship, and most importantly love. I came to serve, but in honest conversation with those men I came to understand that God brought me out here for rehab. To purify my life and take away the things that were eating me alive. Like those men, the thought of relapse terrifies me. How do I go home? How do I live in the freedom I have found on the race back where my bonds were forged? How do I lead from boldness back in a place where I was silent and ruled by fear for so long? How do I live out radical Gospel truths back in a culture where everything I have fought these last months to cast off is at my fingertips? These are things I pray over daily. I don’t have answers, but what I do have are promises from the God who sees and knows me. Promises to carry on the good work that was started until the day the Redeemer returns.
To this I cling.
I love you all so much and thanks for reading!
Through His grace,
Colby
