I just got back from the World Race training camp, and I have so many stories I want to share with you all. I will start with this: our God is alive and working miracles! Over the course of the next few weeks I will share more stories and introduce you to my team that I will be serving the nations with, but first I want to let you in on the life-changing promise that I received from the Lord.
As I have grown in my relationship with the Lord and in community with others, I have begun to grow in transparency and vulnerability as well. However, at the beginning of training camp, the Lord kind of pushed me into the deep end and forced me to be vulnerable with a large group of strangers whether I wanted to or not. I am so thankful that He did. I have learned the importance of being fearlessly authentic, because you never know what part of your story might be exactly what somebody else needs to hear. With that being said, here is the story of how God restored the peace and joy in my life that had been missing for seven years.
When I was eighteen years old, I began experiencing severe panic attacks. These episodes were so bad that on two occasions I called 911 because I thought I was going to die. For a few years I was living in constant fear and never knew when I may be blindsided by another traumatic experience like before. I detailed a little more about dealing with anxiety in a previous blog that you can read at this link: https://codyharvey.theworldrace.org/post/fear-not
I realized that my anxiety level was at it’s highest when I was experiencing serious regret, guilt, and shame. Usually these emotions stemmed from a wild night of partying and poor decision making the previous night. I learned how to manage my anxiety, how to hide it from most people, and convince them that I was still the same confident guy who had it all together, even though I was suffering inside. Four years ago I hit a low point, and finally decided to turn to the Lord and recommit my life to Him. I could not take the suffering anymore and decided to give this whole Jesus thing a real shot. These four years have been the most fulfilling and rewarding years of my life, but the worry, guilt, fear, shame, and regret never left. In fact, the last year or two have turned from more of an anxious worry to a numbing depression. I never told that to anybody until a couple weeks ago.
Since I committed to the World Race in January, my relationship with God was not in a great place. Things in my life were falling apart and I was not seeing any signs of confirmation from the Lord that I was doing the right thing. I went into training camp scared, depressed, and not totally sure that I was supposed to be there. Spoiler alert… God had a plan the whole time!
On the first day of training camp I realized the only way I would know if I was supposed to be there was to give it everything I had, and see if God showed up. In my mind that meant He would heal my back injury (I have disc issues that I was ready to use as an excuse to not go on the trip). I prayed for healing, and a bunch of other people did too. I am still amazed with the community that the Lord provided. People I had only known for a few days or even a few seconds were desperately praying with everything they had for healing. It really was one of the most beautiful examples of faith, obedience, and boldness in a community that I have ever seen.
After a few days of extreme vulnerability and persistent prayer, the Lord clearly revealed to me that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to. During a worship session, I was desperately praying that God would heal my back. I had already seen Him perform miracles like this in some of my new friend’s lives, and I was confident that I was next. But God knows me far better than I know myself. The miracle He had in store for me was far better than anything I had ever asked for. As I prayed for physical healing, I heard the Lord clearly tell me:
“I have something better for you. I am freeing you of your anxiety and depression.”
That’s right, I’M FREE! I was immediately overwhelmed with a sense of peace that I have not felt in over seven years, a peace that could only come from the Lord. My Heavenly Father knew that I needed this healing far more than what I was asking for. God will never abandon us. Anxiety and depression did not come from the Lord, but He used that suffering to teach me to rely on Him, and He brought me through it so that I can help others who are struggling with the same thing. Even when I was running in the opposite direction and trying to fill that void with anything I could, God was right there with me, holding my hand, knowing that I would find complete healing in Him one day. I know that this joy and this peace that I have in my soul will never leave me again. I know that because that is His promise!
I am so thankful to have a God that keeps His promises. I am also thankful that He loves me so much that He surrounded me with 36 other faithful servants to walk through this journey with and continually remind me that His joy and peace are for all of eternity. God seeks us out no matter our circumstances. Whether we feel hopeless or unworthy, He has not given up on us. He didn’t give up on me, and He won’t give up on you. He is a good Father, who desperately loves His children. I am so excited to share His love with people all over the world this year and see what other miracles He has planned for us all.
