So this whole blogging thing is very new and strange to me. I have never really been a man who is open and vulnerable to a lot of people, especially not online. My first reaction to the fact that I was being set up with a blog was that I would probably just post one entry and forget about it after that, that is the reason I only have one post from about two months ago. So why am I writing this one? Two reasons. First, I want all of you who are choosing to support me to see where your contribution is going and the impact it will be having on people all around the world and on me personally, so I will continue to write throughout the journey. Secondly, and more importantly, I want to be transparent. I don’t know how many people may read this, or who might stumble upon this blog post, and the idea that even one person may be positively impacted by my words was enough to motivate me to face this fear of vulnerability and continue writing.
Since we are on the subject of fear, let’s talk about the fear I have surrounding this upcoming 11 month journey. People constantly ask how I am feeling about this trip, and I always say how stoked I am to be able to reach so many people and tell them about Jesus, which is true, I can’t think of anything I have ever been this excited for. However, I never talk about the fear and anxiety that comes with leaving home for a year and diving into the unknown. The truth is, I am equally as nervous and scared as I am excited. I have been battling with severe anxiety for about seven years now, and although the Lord has taught me how to work through these struggles, the looming fear of suffering another panic attack is still very present and very real. God has blessed me with an amazing family and community to support me in all aspects of life, and these feelings of uneasiness stem from being away from that comfort zone for almost a full year.
The cool thing that God has taught me through my struggles with anxiety is that when it is at it’s worst, He is usually up to something really powerful. The most obvious example is when I was studying abroad, away from that comfort zone again, and I was in the midst of a really rough season. It was so bad one day that I skipped all my classes and found a quiet place to read and spend time with the Lord. He revealed to me that it was time for me to make a serious change in my life. I was so convicted that I called my old Younglife leader from high school and told him that when I returned home I needed him to hold me accountable to this new commitment I was making. When I came home I was immediately plugged in to be a Younglife leader, and the four years that have followed have been the most powerful and fulfilling years of my life. I have been able to share the love of Jesus with hundreds of kids, and it all began by learning to lean on the Lord to overcome my fear.
Yes, I am nervous about leaving home and not really knowing what lies ahead, but that is also what gives me confidence that God will do extraordinary things through this mission. Every member of my team will battle with fear of some sort in regards to this adventure, and that is because the enemy knows how much is at stake here. Thousands of lives could be changed, souls saved, eternities solidified. That is why we are choosing to fight these fears. The Lord is more powerful than any anxiety or panic attack that the enemy could throw my way, and that is where my confidence comes from. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” I know that these fears are present because God is about to do something extraordinary again, and I am beyond excited to find out what that is going to be.
