11 days! That is it… that is all that is left of the World Race. I have been sitting alone in our room here, in Sarajevo, Bosnia. Worship music is playing and my mind keeps going to all of the stories from this year. Nearly a year has come and gone and this adventure is about to end. And I am scared. I am hesitant about coming home. But I’m excited too… I don’t know what I am. I am so perplexed.
“Why?” you ask… “Don’t you miss your family?” How do I even begin to explain how badly I miss our church and the desire I have to worship with them? Or how I just want to hold my littlest sisters and watch Frozen. I want to sit and laugh with my sisters and brothers. I want to hear the hearts of the girls I mentor as they pour out to me. I want to hug both of my moms and hold my dads’ hands. But, I don’t want to say goodbye to all the faces I met and loved this year.
I don’t want to have 50 different cereal choices… I like my choice of 2.
How do I say goodbye to the community my team/squad has created over the past year. How do I even begin to explain the joy and frustration that comes with having 6 (sometimes 40) people around you 24/7 who are constantly pushing you to grow and go deeper? How do I tell you about the long feedback sessions and incredibly intimate times of worship we have had? What about all of the inside jokes that only a World Racer would understand?
How do I joyfully leave a strong community of peers to go home to a place where there are very few couples our age to live alongside? What do I do when my whole day doesn’t revolve around asking Jesus what He wants me to do? Where to go? What to eat? Who to talk to? What do I do with my busy schedule at home? Will I still hear His voice clearly?
How do I even come close to explaining how I truly felt sitting in the home of an Indian woman without a face after she was attacked with acid for loving Jesus? How do I tell you that my heart broke as I held a 3 year-old girl who was supposed to be sold to sex-traffickers? Will you really understand the perplexed feeling you have as you sit in the home a Nepali family and tell them they need Jesus to be saved… knowing it may cost them their life when the village finds out? Will you understand me when I tell you what it was like to sit in the home of an oppressed Muslim woman and tell her I love her and so does Jesus? How do I?
How do I say goodbye to this chapter of my life and step into the next? How do I process all of the stories and take home the lessons I’ve learned this year? Will I be able to condense and slow down the passion I have for the Kingdom and relate it to you in a way that isn’t overwhelming? Will my stories be relatable? Will you want to listen? How do I be sensitive to our Western culture but share what the Lord has taught me in a way that will edify the Body? How do I?
Lastly, how do I begin to thank all of the people who made this trip possible? Thank you doesn’t seem like enough. Our very lives are transformed because you believed in the calling Jesus gave us. So what is the answer to all of my questions?
TRUST.
I need to trust the Lord. He is the One who called us here. He has walked beside us the whole way and He, alone, will guide us home. He went before us to prepare a way into all of these countries. Now He will go before us to prepare a way in the United States.
Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that He knows the plans He has for us. He wants to give us a hope and future. He won’t leave us hi and dry at home.
1Thessalonians 5:24 tells me that He has called us to a life of holiness and service and is faithful to help us.
Proverbs 3:5-6 helps me remember that we need only to trust Him and not lean on our own understanding. We need to acknowledge Him and our steps will be directed by Him.
So, we came on this Race jumping in head-first, trusting in His call. Now, we will return home in the same manner.
So, ready or not, here we come America!
