Most of my life I’ve struggled with anger. Since Cody and I got married 3 ½ years ago, I’ve been keenly aware that many of my emotions end in anger. For years, Cody has been asking me what my emotional needs are and I’ve never been able to answer that question. In Swaziland one of my teammates brought this issue back to me by telling me that she felt that she sometimes had to “walk on eggshells” around me because she never knew what would set me off… Honestly, I didn’t either. It just seems to happen. Realizing this issue was not only affecting my marriage, but also my relationship with certain team members, I knew that I needed to face this problem head-on.
One night in Swaziland, 2 of my teammates and I were discussing all of this. I began asking God to reveal the root of the issue. The answer came in the realization that while I was growing up only 2 emotions were acceptable to show: happiness and anger. All other emotions such as sadness or fear would be explained away by a simple “Sis, why are you crying about this?” It was then followed by a logical statement of why you shouldn’t be upset about this certain thing. Crying seemed to be an unacceptable reaction. The funny thing is that outbursts of anger were understandable.
Fast forward to India and we are on our way to ministry when I’m contemplating all of this. Again, I begin to ask the Lord to reveal my emotional needs deeper. I’m thinking about why I become angry after I feel emotions such as fear, sadness, or even excitement when something comes to my mind… I try to shut down emotions like fear, sadness, and confusion. When I can’t, I become angry with myself. This made me ask myself WHY I become angry when I feel emotion. The answer quickly followed, “Because then I’m being needy.” You see, if I’m sad and need you to comfort me then I become a burden to you. I justify this thought process by remembering the multiple times my husband or other family members became annoyed by my tears.
The funny thing is as soon as this thought popped into my head, another one followed. “It is okay to be needy. We are meant to live in communion with God and others.” Being needy is not a selfish thing. Don’t get me wrong, there has to be a balance, but the Bible tells us to bear each others burdens . Whenever I find myself comforting someone while they are going through something difficult, I never feel burdened or put out. I enjoy reaching out and helping the people I love! Why would I think they felt any different about me? I know this thought process may seem so simple, but it has been so liberating! I don’t feel as if I’m a burden anymore. I now embrace those emotions and realize that God allows me to use them to process what is going on around me and inside me.
God made man perfect in His image. When He was done creating Adam He said that it was good. When we read through the Word we find that God Himself feels emotions such as anger, jealousy, and joy. As believers we need to take our thoughts captive, but realize that our emotions are a gift from an almighty, loving God who delights in His children. We should delight in this gift and use our emotions to bring our Heavenly Father glory.
So what about you? Are you taking your thoughts captive? I encourage you to not view you and your emotions as a burden to others or God… Also, are you bearing others’ burdens? The next time someone feels the need to express their emotions, I encourage you to nurture that person with quality time. The Bible tells us to “treat others the way you would want to be treated.” Take the time to listen and encourage a brother or sister, just as you would want to be done for you.
Be blessed!
