It was the end of month 7 and my entire squad was in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. We were there for our usual debrief.
Our time in Kuala Lumpur was memorable for so many reasons, however, the moment I remember most was when we visited Kingdom City Church.
It was by far one of my favorite church experiences on The World Race. Actually probably of all time. Loved the worship atmosphere and the people, they were sweet & caring.
But, man, do I remember the word given that day.
I don’t recall the details to the sermon but I can tell you from the top of my head that it was about, “Denying Ourselves and Carrying our Cross“.
The scripture used that day was from Luke 9:23, “And Jesus said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.‘”
I asked myself, “Well, what does that even mean to me?
Denying myself of what? Of everything? My passions or material things? Haven’t I done that already? Am I supposed to live like the poor?
And carrying my cross, didn’t Jesus do that for me already? What else am I supposed to do?
As you can see, I had a lot of processing to do.
As time passed, God gave me clarity on what this meant for my life.
No, I don’t have to be a full-time missionary for the rest of my life. No, I don’t have to be a single woman forever. No, I don’t have to eat rice & beans or wear “raggedy” clothes for the rest of my life.
What it means, to me, is that I have to live a life where I put others’ interest before myself (Philippians 2:4). To live a selfless lifestyle where I love others more than myself.
Yes, I was already doing it by becoming a missionary but my heart still desired the comforts of home.
The question that I got often was, would you be willing to give it all up, all the comforts of the first world, to serve God & His children?
Would I put God first. Always?
That doesn’t sound fun, right?!
What’s the point of living if you can’t do it your own way?
Well, I’ll tell ya. As I sit here in Nsoko, Swaziland, in the “bush” of Africa, where we are limited to all of our American comforts, from wifi access to running water, I tell you that it is not fun.
But, I am certain it is well worth it.
It is worth me leaving my favorite foods, cute clothes, annual salary, car and health insurance, etc.
Yes, it is worth me helping other missionaries tell their stories on how the Lord is moving in their lives.
Not only because Philippians 1:21 says,
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain,” but because being in Swaziland is my calling right now.
This is where God wants me.
He wants me here, to deny my own comforts, desires and passions right now.
Doing things for and with God is actually gaining me more than I can see with my own eyes. My physical uncomfortableness is growing me in the unseen, in the spiritual realm.
Yes, denying myself of my physical comforts and desires helps me cling more to God, which is my ultimate heart’s desire.
So here it is.
Here are a few examples of how I’ve been learning how to die to self the last 14 months of my life.
1. Taking cold bucket showers every day
2. Hand washing clothes twice a week
3. Running in a group because you can’t go out alone
4. Early curfews because nighttime can be dangerous, so you have a dance party while you wait for dinner!
5. Getting bitten by mosquitoes all night while my roommate sleeps like a queen with her mosquitoes net
6. Finding (non-technological) ways to entertain ourselves
7. No couches or chairs to sit on
8. Sleeping on the floor
9. Walking, lots of walking, in the African heat
10. Using a headlamp because of power outages
11. No internet access so you go to hotel lobbies, bakeries or restaurants to get access
12. Sometimes the only place you can find quiet time in on a hammock
