Yes, I will miss home at times while I’m on the race. I stepped out in faith to leave home for almost a year and had to say goodbye to my friends and family. Have I done anything like this before? Definitely not. Does God equip the called? For sure. Situations and relationships with people will be different when I get back. I will miss my room, I will miss the comforts of home, and I will miss being able to leave my house to go do what I want for the day. Having to adjust to life when I get back home will be difficult and confusing. I will miss my dog and I will miss my friends. But I knew that I would be sacrificing all of these things in order to listen to God’s call for me. I knew it would be hard, but I also knew it would be worth it. But that doesn’t mean that some days aren’t going to be really tough and bittersweet because I will definitely feel without and I will be craving all of those heartwarming times when I’m so uncomfortable and needing a boost.
I’ve been doing absolutely incredible this first month. Everything has been so new and exciting and I’m thriving. Several of my squad mates are having a tough time being away from home. They’re homebodies with big hearts and that’s amazing for them. It shows they really care about their home life and they appreciate it. I love my home and life in NC, but I haven’t been missing home at all yet. I’ve noticed that God has placed a shield over my heart so that I wouldn’t get homesick. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and it’s been so evident that it’s from the Lord. This shield was placed so I wouldn’t miss my friends and I wouldn’t miss my home. When I would think about “what would I be doing if I were home right now”, I actually couldn’t even imagine what it would be. I was confused why this was and I definitely didn’t understand why my memories of just hanging out at home were kind of blurry. Until I realized- He did this so I would be so present in where I am now to establish the relationships that I have made and to get to know myself here rather than focusing on myself at home. Also so I would be sure to place all my trust in Him and have a firm foundation in that so I can build upon that from now on. I see the fruit of why He guarded my heart in this way and I’m so grateful. Today (Oct. 14) marks 30 days that we’ve been in Swaziland, and I woke up this morning feeling…weird. My squad had devotionals this morning and I teared up for the first time since I’ve been gone. I felt an ache in my heart when I thought about my mom, my friends, and my dog. God has let me to start feeling these things now that He knows I’m in a place where I can handle it. If I had felt these aches at the start, I wouldn’t have been nearly as focused or made the strong relationships within my squad that I have. I may not have as strong of a foundation for my relationship with Him if that shield wasn’t placed. He knew exactly what I needed and set me up for the absolute best. To put me in a position designed perfectly for me and my life. I’m not homesick now, but I am feeling the ache of knowing that relationships with people will be different when I get home in 8 months. I may not be as close to some friends as I was when I left. Because that’s life and its hard. But it’s also part of the sacrifice. I’ve talked about it here and there with a few of my teammates, but today is the first time I’ve actually felt the weight of it. And I’m grateful for it. It makes me know that what I’m doing is worthwhile and is going to stretch me- which is exactly the goal. Thank you, God for guarding my heart and only giving me what you know I can handle. Thank you for taking that weight from me and giving it back when the time was right.
It’s hard. It’s knowing that yes, we already miss a few comforts from home, but it’s the fact that we have another eight months without those things that will ache sometimes. We are all trusting in the Lord and following what He has for us. It’s incredible. This is how growth happens. It’s new, it’s difficult, it’s incredible, we’re learning, we’re trusting, and we love it. There’s nothing wrong with missing home. That’s a good thing. We WANT to miss those things. It’s about appreciating our lives at home and what we have there, but also being so grateful for this opportunity we have now and thriving in that with each other. Our hearts are eager to be stretched, we’re eager to have only what the Lord provides. We’re here to not be afraid, to make His name known, and to trust in His process. The cost of being a disciple- it’s real, it’s raw, it’s hard. But it’s also so good, so worth it, and builds character.
It’s month two now. I don’t really miss home much at all yet, but I know that I will. This will get harder. A lot harder. I’m ready for it.
I’m alive, I’m present, I’m enthusiastic, I’m growing spiritually, and building my character.
