So often on the World Race I wish I could close my eyes, my ears, and most frequently, my heart to the things going on around me. Though Asia has been a beautiful time of increased transformation, deepened trust, and a steadier heart posture, there’s also many moments and even days filled with incredible challenges and heart wrenching darkness. There’s nights I can’t fall asleep because I can’t get pictures out of my head of the things I saw and heard that day. There’s nights I cry myself to sleep interceding and fighting for the people who God has so graciously given me to fight for. There’s days I see things that make me physically sick. There’s even days I want to give up and go back to living in my naïve, sheltered World, where I read articles and watch stories unfold on the news that I’m much too far removed from to actually let permeate my mind.
Today, I want to share stories with you that 10 months ago I would have brushed off and immediately pulled up social media to numb my mind from the stories I just read about on my computer screen.
My team and I sat on a bridge, three nights ago, in Siem Reap, Cambodia to love on the women who call the bridges “home”. They spend hours upon hours on the bridge night and day, in the 100+ degree heat, begging for anything that will help their family survive just one more night. One women we met was 22-years-old, two years younger than me, and had her five-years-old and nine-months-old children by her side. As we were sitting on the dirty ground with her, each and every Western tourist walking by on the crowded bridge, starred, dumbfounded that seven American women would choose to sit with a woman who in their eyes is dirty, defiled, and nothing more than a beggar on the streets. I don’t know what broke my heart more, the traveler’s looks of disapproval or the woman sitting before me who was fighting for just one mere dollar to help her family eat that night. Why is there such poverty in the World that people have to sit on the streets begging? Why do people have to live questioning if they’ll make it through the next day? Why are people so shocked to see good happening in the World?
As my teammate was sitting on that same bridge throwing sticks with the 22-year-old’s son, a crowd of young boys ran up to give her a hug. I remembered she looked up and her face was filled with concern and confusion. She looked at us and asked if we were smelling what she was smelling. As she said this, I looked over as one of the boys threw his face in his jacket sleeve and took a deep breath. These young 12-year-olds were huffing paint to numb the pain their minds have to face each and every day. They don’t have a home. They don’t have parents who chose to take care of them. They don’t go have an opportunity to get educated. They don’t own anything except for the clothes on their backs. They don’t know their birthdays. They don’t know how to get through life without getting high. Why, Jesus, do people numb themselves with everything but you? Why is there such darkness in the World? Why are innocent boys enduring such suffering?
My friends and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate one of my sweet squad mates 22nd. We grabbed a big table, ready to clear our minds of the things that so easily paralyze us, and simply celebrate her. I saw the waiters setting up the table next to us for 15 people. Moments later, I saw 13 provocatively dressed strippers come in and sit two feet away from me. Behind them walked in two middle aged white Americans. One with a wedding ring on his finger. The two men repeatedly looked at each other smirking while the women were doing everything they could to please them. I could feel my stomach get hot and heat flush my face. I was burning with anger and tried my very hardest to not burst into tears. Why didn’t these women know they were worth more than a night of sex? Why can’t they believe that the man who died on the cross for them calls them His Beloved Bride? Don’t these men know what hurt and pain their causing? Don’t these men know how wrong this is? Don’t they know that these women they are taking advantage of are Daughters won by the Most High King?
One prostitute that my team met in Thailand classified men as either “good men” or “bad men”. Good men were the ones who would buy her luxuries and put her up in nice hotels while HE had a night of fun and pleasure. Some even flew her to foreign countries for months at a time so he doesn’t have to go a day without sex. Bad men were the ones who pay little and ditch her after one night. How can she think that men who treat her in such a way do are good, upright men? How, God, can she not believe she’s worth far more than even the best man she’s ever been with?
As I sat in an orphanage in Namibia, hearing “a man of God” say that the little ten-year-old girls, who I’d grown to love so much, are at fault for the rape that was done to them; as I heard Orthodox Christians in Serbia say they don’t know if they’re granted citizenship into Heaven because they haven’t done enough “good works”; as I walked by beggars in Romania who brought their drugged infants to the streets with them in hopes of earning more money; as I sat weeping on a crowded street in Macedonia at the poverty that I was surrounded by; as my team and I endured drunk men harassing us in Zambia as we tried to share the most profound and radical love story of all time with them; as I see prostitute after prostitute flood the streets of Asia at night clinging to a middle-aged white man, I cry out to our Creator, “WHY, FATHER? Why would you allow this to happen to my brothers and sisters, YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS? Why is there such hurt and pain in the World? Why can’t people just turn to You? Lord, I beg you – let them see Your captivating beauty.”
Despite my frustrations, anger, and restless nights, The King of Love continually asks me, “Claire, are you going to trust that I am good? Claire, are you going to choose to trust my ways? Claire, are you still going to follow me even when darkness surrounds you? Though at times it doesn’t seem like it to you, I am worthy of your fullest trust and every surrender. I am worthy of Kingship. I love my children more than you do. Claire, please choose to chase after me even if darkness surrounds you, choose to love deeper even when it hurts, choose to cling to the Light I’ve shown you, choose deeper trust and fuller surrender; choose me, Claire, despite what you see.”
And that’s when I remember the life-changing, redeeming stories I’ve gotten to be let into on the World Race. The stories that become an altar for the days to come when darkness tries to overtake me.
The story of the Egyptian I met who was tortured in Egypt for his faith, but Jesus provided a way for him and his wife to flee to Malaysia. The story of the barista I met in Cambodia that tried to commit suicide and instead of drowning he floated for seven days and was found by men who tried to kill him, but Jesus gave him a way out. The story of prostitutes in Thailand hearing their worth in King Jesus and quitting the only “safety and security” they’ve known for years to follow Him. The story of an 11-year-old Muslim girl being sold into marriage with a 35-year-old, but her Christian principle fought in the court system to get her out in Myanmar. The story of the man in Romania who lost both of His legs and eye sight but still spends his days praising and beholding Jesus. The story of seven men gaining freedom from drug addictions and giving their lives to Jesus in Macedonia. The story of an unseen man dropping off pizzas every day at the homeless shelter for seven years that feeds hundreds of homeless men and women every day in Penang. The stories of Jesus capturing the hearts of so many Muslims and Buddhists in countries where evangelism is illegal. The stories of men and women choosing to praise and follow Jesus despite their circumstances.
Though sometimes being in the middle of the some of the darkest places on Earth seems too much to bear, the Faithful and True King Jesus never ceases to shine His light ever brighter. Just as the sun breaks the darkness every morning, so His light never fails to overcome the darkness each and every moment. Lord, never let me grow numb to these stories. Never let me forget these stories. Never let me stop fighting.
Jesus, I choose you, despite the darkness around me. Help me always cling to your Everlasting Light. Thank you, Jesus, for REDEMPTION.
